Tag: coronavirus

Covid-19 Vaccine Vending Machines To Be Installed In All Irish Pubs

THE QUICK-ACTING Vintners Association has announced the introduction of over 5,000 vending machines nationwide which will be installed in every pub and will contain the newly founded Covid-19 vaccine, WWN has learned. Costing €20 a syringe, customers can self-inject themselves upon entry to their local bar without having to worry about signing their names or… Read more »

Government Denying ‘Circuit Break’ Lockdown Surest Sign Yet We’ll Have ‘Circuit Break’ Lockdown

WITH THE Taoiseach pouring cold water on the Tánaiste’s suggestion that Ireland could go into a ‘circuit break’ short and sharp lockdown, the Irish public have immediately resigned themselves to lockdown 2.0 becoming a reality imminently. “Say no more, lockdown it is, ” responded the public when told by the government that a lockdown was… Read more »

These Are The Level 3 Fines The Government Are Considering

WITH THE news the government is looking into implementing fines for non-essential cross county travel and non-compliance when it comes to wearing masks on public transport ranging from €50-€200, WWN has sought to satisfy the public’s demand for more information on the full range of fines. Are the following fines a good deterrent against belligerents… Read more »

Report Suggests Visors Useless Against Covid & Oh For Fuck Sake Can’t This Miserable Piece Of Shit Year Just Give Us A Break For 5 Fucking Seconds, I Mean, Come On

NEWS that visors are virtually useless when combating the spread of and exposure to Covid-19 is just the latest example of 2020 refusing to give anyone a break, even for five fucking seconds. “Jesus, we’re just trying our best and following guidelines but this ceaselessly malevolent, unextinguishable dumpster fire of the year just won’t let… Read more »

New Zealand Just Showing Off Now

HAVING declared that her country has once more ‘beaten the virus’ New Zealand PM Jacinda Ardern has been asked to ‘read the room’ as virtually every other nation in the world is still struggling with active spread of the virus and doesn’t appreciate such brazen examples of competent political leadership. “Beating it once, sure, great… Read more »