Tag: coronavirus

Vaccine Breakthrough As Homeopathic Scientists Test Essential Oils

OXFORD scientists were initially credited with the vaccine breakthrough but it now appears a dedicated team of middle-aged mothers who believe essential oils are the cure to everything have trumped all fast-tracked government-backed vaccine trials across the world. “No. More lavender!” barked one woman, Norma Healy, who batted away nearby PHD researchers, “it’s natural healing… Read more »

All Your Face Mask Questions Answered By Bane

WITH governments all around the world struggling to present a cohesive manifesto on the wearing of face masks as a preventative measure in the fight against Covid-19, WWN turned to avid mask wearer and lethal mercenary Bane for answers. Here’s what Gotham’s reckoning had to say to the most common mask-myths out there: “Wearing a… Read more »

Government Issuing More Mixed Messages Than Your Ex-Boyfriend

AN EXASPERATED nation is quickly losing its patience with the coalition government over its continued mixed messaging in regards to travel, pubs and masks among other things; an elite level of poor communication only rivaled by your ex-boyfriend. “‘Don’t travel abroad but here’s a list of countries you can travel abroad too’, honestly this is… Read more »

Man Who Broke Lockdown Constantly & Never Wears Mask Annoyingly Hasn’t Gotten Covid-19 Yet

LOCAL Covid-19 scofflaw Miles O’Hannon is still free from Coronavirus despite adhering to none of the precautionary measures or regulations laid out by the government, much to the chagrin of his ‘goody two-shoes’ neighbours and friends. O’Hannon, 35, tackled Coronavirus with an ‘it’s all a load of shite’ approach that many believed would surely come… Read more »

White House Grants Covid-19 A Green Card Visa

HUMAN rights organisations and immigration activists have today expressed their confusion over the Trump White House’s contradictory actions on the granting and revoking of visas. On the one hand exploiting the pandemic to continue to find new and baseless reasons to ban the wrong shade of people from entering the US on legitimate visas, the… Read more »

Covid Tracker App: Here’s How To Find Charizard

THE Covid-19 contact tracing app may only have been live for a few days, but already people are discovering fun ways to grind out rewards quicker than simply wandering around hoping to get lucky! With over one million downloads making it the fastest-downloaded Irish app since the Farmers Journal App, the Covid-19 tracker app is… Read more »

Man Who Uses WhatsApp, TikTok, Google Maps, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook & Twitter Apps Has Privacy Concerns About Covid-19 App

THE launch of the HSE’s Covid-19 Contact Tracing App was met with a chorus of ‘no fucking way’ from people adamant they will only permit sharing their personal data through the use of apps belonging to five, maybe six massive multi-national corporations and tech firms at best. The tracker, which uses geographical location data to… Read more »

US Makes Preparations For Final 4th Of July

AMERICAN citizens are gearing up for the 244th and final celebration of the 1776 signing of the Declaration of Independence, with all 50 states determined to ‘make it one for the history books’ for whoever is still alive in 2021. Marking 131,000 people dead so far since the outbreak began, US citizens will also mark… Read more »