Government Denying ‘Circuit Break’ Lockdown Surest Sign Yet We’ll Have ‘Circuit Break’ Lockdown

WITH THE Taoiseach pouring cold water on the Tánaiste’s suggestion that Ireland could go into a ‘circuit break’ short and sharp lockdown, the Irish public have immediately resigned themselves to lockdown 2.0 becoming a reality imminently.

“Say no more, lockdown it is, ” responded the public when told by the government that a lockdown was unlikely amid a week of 4,500 new Covid-19 cases.

As the Taoiseach set about contradicting the Tánaiste’s contradiction of the Minister for Health’s contradiction of the Tánaiste, a weary public began stocking up on loo roll and looking online for new hobbies to take up while in lockdown.

“Ah, feck it anyway,” confirmed one member of the public who really didn’t think the nation would go into it a second nationwide severe lockdown up until the government formally denied such a thing would happen.

Rather than keeping an eye on the news for freshly confusing utterances from within the Department of Piss Poor Communications, a frustrated public just went about undertaking all the necessary preparations.

“Suppose I’ll start mentally preparing myself for getting back on a lockdown diet of nothing but takeaways, booze, chocolate, non-stop onanism and Zoom quizzes,” confirmed another member of the public.

“I’m here to tell the public to relax, we’re not considering this Circuit Break stuff,” confirmed the Taoiseach unconvincingly after Tánaiste and Minister For Saying The First Thing That Comes Into His Head, Leo Varadkar, backed a Circuit Break lockdown and issued a call out video to CMO Tony Holohan.