PARENTS would normally turn to a summer camp to get the kids out of the house and out of their hair once the academic year is over but no, this is a world invented and overseen by a God who wants to torture parents so summer camps for the most part are a no-go. If… Read more »
IRISH death notice website RIP.ie has reported an unusual amount of activity over the past few days resulting from the deaths of hundreds of small to medium sized businesses across the country, which employ the vast majority of the nation’s workforce. The deceased businesses were believed to have succumbed to the Covid-19 pandemic after spending… Read more »
WATERFORD man William Henderson is this morning shaking off the effects of a hard night of substantial meals with the lads, during their tearful reunion with their local pub which does food now, apparently. Henderson, along with Derek Adams, Headsy, maybe Paul Malone was there too but nobody is sure; hit the Wheelrim Arms at half… Read more »
THE SUDDEN cancellation of the routine daily Covid-19 briefing was announced to make way for the reassembly of the Emergency Celtic Tiger Containment Unit for the first time since 2011 as it warned of a lethal second wave of Fianna Fáil, WWN can confirm. “We must suppress this disease in the community, where it can… Read more »
OVER six years since her horrifying honeymoon in Ireland with her husband Kanye West, reality TV superstar Kim Kardashian West has admitted that there are times she lies awake in bed, replaying the ordeal of the Irish midlands over and over in her mind. “She says she can still hear the voices in her head;… Read more »
AS Phase 3 of the government’s 4-phase re-opening of the country kicks into place today, here’s what the nation can finally start doing again after months of Covid-enforced lockdown: 1. All cockfighting, lurching, salmon poaching, off-season hunting, fox-lamping, badger baiting and elk-stabbings can once again take place, hopefully bringing the nation’s wildlife into check after… Read more »
“ALL weekend long, I’ve just had ‘Fiesta’ by The Pogues playing at full blast” beamed a jubilant Simon Harris, his youth flushing back to his cheeks for the first time since taking up the position of Minister For Health in 2016. “Same here, except I was pumping out ‘Sandstorm’ by Darude” giggled former Minister For… Read more »
THERE wasn’t a dry eye or undamaged liver in the early houses this morning, as sentimental and emotional Irish men and women were reunited with their newly reopened pubs. Dropping to their knees onto the sticky carpets, embracing their favourite rickety bar stool in a hug and mindlessly splashing their urine all over their favourite… Read more »
WATERFORD man Eric Wilson is congratulating himself for ‘playing the long game’ when it comes to choosing a football team to support, after his wise decision to pick Liverpool FC over Leeds as ‘his team’ finally paid dividends with a Premier League title victory over 30 years later. Like the vast majority of Irish people… Read more »
CITING the need to preserve the public’s sanity, health authorities recommend keeping 2 miles away from Liverpool fans for the foreseeable future with no sign that the cautious measure will be lifted within the next 30 years. Liverpool fans are now in the throes of decades long title celebrations after having to wait decades for… Read more »