THE HSE has assured the country that all over-70s will have received their first dose of vaccinations by mid-April, a mere two to three weeks after the original estimated date of the ‘end of March’ and a probably two to three months before the actual completion date, WWN can report. “No, we can’t give you… Read more »
A COUNTY Waterford man has admitted today that he misses kicking the face off strangers outside pubs and chippers in the early morning, stating he would give anything for a good old-fashioned row right now, WWN reports. Jayo Lonergan, who has 57 convictions ranging from assault to drug dealing, said he’d ‘gladly dance on someone’s… Read more »
LOCAL man William Farnhill has added ‘swanky car’ to the list of things he doesn’t like about the Eastern European lad who moved in up the road from him, adding that it ‘doesn’t seem right’ that someone who hasn’t lived in Waterford for his whole life should be able to afford a 131 Nissan Qashqai… Read more »
BORIS JOHNSON is said to be struggling to perfect the most indelicate, ignorant and unhelpful set of remarks in response to the emergence of serious threats being issued by Loyalist thugs to port staff in Northern Ireland as a result of a sea border existing between it and the mainland UK. “I think the best… Read more »
RED-FACED former Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is to go ahead with his resignation from the global juggernaut, but has explained to panicked investors that the move arose after his Alexa Dot device at home misinterpreted his request to quit listening to music while he was eating a mouthful of soup, WWN Business can confirm. “I… Read more »
WITH CASES exploding in the UAE and further restrictions put in place in Dubai resulting from an influx in influencer based travel to the tourist hotspot, WWN reached out to leading influencers in a bid to get their side of the story on their very important essential work. “This is my office and this is… Read more »
WITH THE NEWS that members of his legal team have quit amid disputes over strategy for his second impeachment trial, former US president Donald Trump has reportedly begun to feel the sudden recurrence of crippling bones spurs. Straining and feigning concern for the every movement undertaken by his ankles, Trump has reportedly been dropping very… Read more »
ATTRACTIVE young people with huge social media followings will be allowed to freely journey to sunlit climes to take pictures of themselves draped over a range of furniture, under a special exemption from incoming Covid travel restrictions due to their essential service to society as a whole, WWN has learned. “There are a number of… Read more »
AIMING to fill in the gap left by AstraZeneca, Johnson & Johnson’s Covid-19 vaccine is one step closer to worldwide approval after passing the tricky ‘no more tears’ testing phase. Administering the jab to test patients has delivered a 100% tearless success rate even among those with fear of needles as well as massive wimps…. Read more »
CONSPIRATORIAL websites around the world lit up today following the first confirmed death to be associated with the Pfizer vaccine, before being forced to come up with novel ways to work around the fact that the deceased party was in fact struck by a delivery truck. The unnamed German man was said to be ‘toddling… Read more »