We Gave This Newborn Access To TikTok, Within Minutes He Was Calling Us ‘Blue Pilled Beta Boys’


THERE CAN be little doubt that the algorithms utilised by social media giants such as TikTok and YouTube funnel young and impressionable boys down a rabbit hole filled with brain-in-a-blender wisdom from Andrew Tate, and similarly malign influences.

However, Waterford Whispers News wasn’t satisfied by a new DCU study or an RTÉ investigation which laid bare the realities of young people’s exposure to extreme content online.

Fine, we now know that giving a male teenager access to TikTok is the 2024 equivalent of handing over a basket full of dynamite wrapped in copies of Nuts and Zoo magazines. But an answer to the question ‘what happens if you give it to them from birth’ remains dangerously unanswered.

Waterford Whispers News takes its responsibilities seriously as a news outlet, and so the obvious next step presented itself; we borrowed our sister’s newborn son for the day.

As legally mandated, as an Irish male born in the years 2020-2024 our nephew had to be called Jack. It’s fair to speculate that being 23 days old, Jack, had yet to form much of an opinion about anything. He was a blank canvas onto which we threw a tin of Dulux paint containing 100% unfiltered TikTok.

As Jack lay in his bouncer, we simply signed him up for an account and let TikTok do the rest.

What happened next was astonishing. He immediately became irritated and cried (a hallmark of misogyny). Next his lip trembled, perhaps because he was annoyed at how he lived in a world where men like him couldn’t get a girlfriend. Next, shockingly, the misogynistic brain rot took hold as Jack pursed his lips and stuck out his tongue in search of an imaginary breast.

TikTok had done it. In mere seconds, this little bellicose ball of badness had decided he had a right to a woman’s breast. Incredible.

Which each minute, TikTok fed him yet another video of an all male podcast, Sigma Mindset quote videos and on and on. Jack cried and cried, such was his anger at a world that so obviously favoured women, who incidentally, according to TikTok had things called ‘body counts’.

Realising the error we had made, we tried to explain to Jack why such content was harmful but it was too late.

“You’re just blue pilled beta NPCs” Jack scorned.

“Cucktards, that’s what you are,” Jack continued, venom pouring from his mouth.

“Women shouldn’t be allowed vote, and are merely incubators for my progeny,” Jack said, forcing us to drop to our knees and cry out against our foolish, scientific hubris. We had not stopped to think of the consequences, and now the consequences were shouting at us, telling us Hitler actually had some good ideas.