Dodgy Box Guy Sending You Friend Request

Breaking news has confirmed that the local dodgy box guy your mate John was raving about in the pub the other night has just sent you a friend request sparking a quiet but intense moral spiral.

The man, believed to reside in that council estate with all the kamikaze kids on bikes, reportedly fired off the unsolicited request in the early hours of the morning, possibly prompted by your mutual pint-fuelled discussion about how Sky is ripping you off again, the cunts.

According to sources, the dodgy box guy charges anywhere between €150 and €200 a year for access to the shadowy TV underworld. It may involve a firestick, a mysterious code, or an update “every now and then,” but rest assured – you’ll get everything. Everything!

Despite being paralysed by indecision and already spending 90% of your evenings scrolling past absolute muck on streaming platforms, you find yourself tempted. Not just by the unlimited content, but by the opportunity to lead your own clandestine pub conversations, like a moonshine dealer in the golden age of bootlegging whiskey: “Ah yeah, I’ve a fella. Does all the sports, the lot. He’s sound too.”

More on this story as your existential TV crisis continues buffering.