“Don’t Worry, It’s Summer Soon & We’ll Be Back To Hosepipe Bans In No Time,” Environment Minister Tells Submerged Communities

MINISTER for the Environment Darragh O’Brien has eased the pain of communities affected by flooding with his inimitable ability to find the right words in the face of his wrong actions.

“Look on the bright side there will be a hose pipe ban in no time at all, 99s, a bit of sunburn and we’ll all have forgotten about this until the next widely predicted and avoidable disaster happens,” O’Brien shared, wearing wellies and a hi-vis in case a photo-op arose.

O’Brien was quick to reject claims the government have been asleep on the job when it comes to dealing with the present situation and climate issues.

“That’s not true at all, we’ve been wide awake to erasing what infinitesimally small progress was made on the environment with the Greens in the last government”.

“We’re missing all carbon targets, we’re downgrading the status of 400 waterways in Ireland so we don’t have to take care of them, we’ve abandoned climate projects because we say they’re ‘polarising’, what more do you want from us?”

“And, may I add, I’m proud of a number of TDs who bravely raced to get on local radio to make sure Met Éireann got the blame for us being willfully ignorant on climate science and ignoring simple, cost effective solutions even stuff like just planting more trees near rivers and flood plains to help slow and absorb water flow,” added the minister.

A spokesperson for the minister said while those affected may be angry at a complete lack of leadership, blame shifting and no signs of facing up to the reality of the situation, a number of solutions have been proposed by the minister and his advisors:

Vote Fianna Fáil.

Carry a straw in your pocket at all times so you can drink up any flood water should it appear.

Go to bed in full scuba gear just in case.

Don’t buy a house on a flood plain called Ireland.

Blame planning laws so we can use that as a smokescreen to push through legislation which would make it harder to take the government to court if it causes damage to the environment.

Purchase novelty 8ft wide plunger on Amazon. Buy Waterworld on DVD while you’re at it. Treat it as a documentary.

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