Germany Ditches Evil Russian Gas & Oil For Friendly, Above-Board UAE Gas & Oil

GERMANY may have solved that whole ‘we’re buying all of our fossil fuels from a maniacal despot’ problem this week, following an ‘energy security’ deal with the honest and upfront United Arab Emirates, WWN can confirm.

The move should ease fears that the country, and by extent the whole of Europe, had become too reliant on sourcing energy from a volatile nation presided over by a despicable regime with a history of human rights abuses, and sources close to the deal have stated that Germany are delighted to have ‘done the right thing for everyone’ by signing up with the UAE.

“When Putin invaded Ukraine, it became apparent that Europe had become too dependent on sourcing fossil fuels from such a volatile source. Thankfully, there’s never been any such issues with oil-rich Middle Eastern countries so we’re all safe there!” said German Chancellor Olaf Scholz.

“And the notion that we should replace fossil fuels with something more renewable like solar or nuclear weren’t even up for consideration, no. We just needed to get more gas and oil from a nation that everyone in the world loves and respects, and not only that, a nation that could use the money too. And the UAE were grateful enough to let us pay them whatever they want to supply us. Now we look forward to a lifetime of uninterrupted, controversy-free energy. Cheers!”.

The news of the deal sent energy prices plummeting today, completely easing fears that the world was in for a winter of being gouged by every energy provider on the market.