DOZENS of EU diplomats have taken up smoking and many more are said to have lapsed into alcoholism, as the British Brexit negotiators continues to hammer thorn after thorn into their side with no end in sight. “I never smoked in my life but I’m up to two packs a day now” puffed one German… Read more »
WHILE nobody in the EU has come forward and condoned the Irish Republican Army’s campaign of bloody terror in Northern Ireland, leaks have suggested that many are starting to ‘see where they were coming from’, WWN can report. The memos come as the EU enters yet another crunch round of negotiations in the bitter Brexit… Read more »
FRANKLY bored of the efficient continuity that delivered 16 years of Angela Merkel and her CDU party leading governments, Germans have voted overwhelmingly for a bit of that instability that’s so popular across much of the European continent. “Sure, we’re used to coalitions, but what about an unstable one that takes months to form and… Read more »
NEW RESEARCH coming into WWN Sport from the Institute of Sports Research has revealed that US golf fans are more irritating than a thousands mosquitos bites doused in vinegar and set on fire. Citing ample course side evidence from team USA’s dominant and impressive Ryder Cup victory, the ISR confirmed that you’d be forgiven for… Read more »
TURNING what was a sad occasion for Barcelona and the footballing world into something positive, the torrents of tears shed by Lionel Messi at his farewell press conference are being attached via a winch to dozens of helicopters fighting wildfires in Greece, Italy, Russia and beyond. “It just suddenly came to me in a moment… Read more »
GARDAÍ are warning Dublin motorists to avoid the city centre at all costs after dozens of fishing vessels suddenly took to land and made their way to protest outside the makeshift Dáil at the National Convention Centre, WWN can confirm. “How the hell these things have become amphibious is anyone’s guess, but people need to… Read more »
LABELING the EU’s decision to take legal action over the UK government’s continued flagrant disregard for the Northern Ireland Protocol as ‘silly business’, PM Boris Johnson insisted he honestly wouldn’t have signed up to the ‘blasted thing’ if he was actually expected to honour it. “Mea culpa, I feel ruddy well stupid, I had no… Read more »
EUROPEAN COMMISSIONER Ursula von der Leyen has unreservedly apologised for ‘acting the complete and utter Brit’ by blithely invoking Article 16 of the withdrawal agreement and setting up the possibility of casually trampling all over the Good Friday Agreement, which was ‘very English of her’. “Who am I, Boris Johnson?” von der Leyen said, accompanying… Read more »
UNHAPPY with the lack of transparency over the vaccine producers’ failure to deliver its full compliment of doses, EU leaders have spent a frustrating day stuck on hold with Cambridge based AstraZeneca. “If you are a trading block of nearly 500 million people and haven’t received your order please press 5,” spoke the disembodied pre-recorded… Read more »
NATIONS belonging to the European Union have pledged to rectify the alarmingly slow initial rollout of its Covid-19 vaccination programme, which has been greeted with anger and frustration by citizens. After a special task force charged with identifying possible errors and inefficiencies within the supply chain reported that delivering the vaccines on the backs of… Read more »