Man Who Spent Last 8 Months Complaining About Cold Weather Now Complaining About Hot Weather


IN a surprising turn of events, a Waterford local who constantly pissed and moaned about cold and wet weather since September of last year has declared the current sunshine as ‘too much’, prompting officials to wonder if there will ever be a climate that suits him ‘just right’.

“I can get nothing done in that heat,” huffed Martin Prender, looking like he may collapse from exhaustion at any minute.

“That weather is cruel, it’s torture. The poor dogs are panting, I’m sweating like Prince Andrew eating an American Hot pizza, the flowers are dying and the clothes on the line are drying too fast. It’s a living nightmare, a hell on Earth. A drop of rain is badly needed, sure there’s not even a breeze”.

Prender’s meteorological monologue was halted temporarily after the sun disappeared behind some clouds, prompting the 47-year-old to declare that ‘that’s summer over now’, and how the now quite brisk breeze blowing was in danger of freezing everyone in it’s path to death.

“It’s too hot. It’s too cold. It’s too hot. It’s too cold,” repeated Mr. Prender, as the cloud cover came and went over the course of the hour.

Conversely, Mr. Prender is known to ridicule anyone who complains of hot or cold temperatures by scoffing that they ‘can’t handle a bit of heat/cold’, cementing local opinion that he’s yet another one of those people who badly need a good kick in the hole.