Criminal Begins Planning Suspended Sentence Party After Getting Judge Nolan


“AND I want them mad big helium balloons, champers and look through my phone there for my dealer, he’s listed under ‘dealer’ get a few lines it’s a celebration after all” – the words of local man Greg Gorman, shouting from the dock at family members ahead of the commencement of his trial which to his relief will be presided over by Judge Martin Nolan.

Gorman, accused of spearheading a violent rampage which was sexual in nature and left dozens of people with lengthy hospital stays, life-altering conditions and crippling PTSD, was keen to get a head start on celebrations for what he believes will be surefire suspended sentence.

“I thought I won the lotto when the pensioner I robbed was carrying €2000 in her purse but getting the judge you want beats all that harder than I beat the pensioner,” beamed Gorman sharing a joyous look with his barrister, who also knew they were onto a winner.

Triumphant fist bumps and winks from all of his close associates in the court, Gorman began exchanging a series of notes with them as witness after witness took to the stand detailing the terror the soon to be free again Dubliner put them through.

“Nah we’ll do town, there’s more pubs to choose from and then we’ll go back to a gaff after,” Gorman said to friends drowning out the tears of one witness discussing her three day kidnap ordeal at his hands.

Gorman’s mother then began holding up a series of outfits belonging to the accused in an effort to help him choose his outfit for tonight’s festivities.

UPDATE: A contrite Gorman was handed down a suspended sentence of 6 months after promising for the 12th successive time to learn the error of his ways.