Leaked: Government’s Cost Of Living Measures For Upcoming Budget

THE BUDGET has been brought forward by the coalition government with a number of measures to combat cost of living expenses being routinely leaked to the media.

WWN has all the leaked budgetary measures which could prove vital in helping those most affected by the squeeze on household budgets:

Refunds on golf club membership fees.

Heating bill paused for people’s second holiday homes.

Increasing welfare payments to landlords via increased HAP.

A scheme similar to the Pandemic Unemployment Payment specifically targeted at helping people retain staff by the State covering their wages, so far the scheme is open to owners of private swimming pools only.

One off red diesel giveaway pending Sinn Féin cooperation.

Two for one caviar in all shops.

Further increase in alcohol prices.

Phone bill refunds for anyone calling onto Joe Duffy to complain about how you’d be better off on the dole these days than working.

TV package cost rebate for people buying BT and Sky Sports to watch the rugby.

Uniform allowance increase for people going back to fencing school.

A free coffee for any opposition party after their 20th failed motion of no confidence in the government or a government minister.