Tag: britain

“Sack Him? I’m Fucking Promoting Him!”

“CAN SOMEONE be health secretary, a Lord and super-deputy prime minister at the same time? Chancellor of the I-just-had-sex-with-her? There aren’t enough promotions in the world” a beaming and proud Boris Johnson was heard proclaiming within the confines of No.10 Downing Street. “Fuck it, we’re in need of a new Duke of Edinburgh, right? And… Read more »

How Does Baby Lilibet’s Placenta Stack Up Against Other Royals?

THE newly-born daughter of the on-again-off-again royals, the Duke & Duchess of Sussex, continues to rack up critics from both inside and outside Buckinghman Palace following reports that baby Lilibet’s placenta ‘wasn’t up to the royal standards’. In a 4-page Daily Mail article titled ‘Aftergirth; Lil’s Placenta papped looking a bit tubby’, experts have suggested… Read more »

British Public Not Sure Whether To Believe Lying Sack Of Shit Over Self-Serving Bullshitter

BRITAIN enters its second day agonising over whether or not to believe a self-serving bullshitter who is a thinly veiled psychopath over the sociopathic lying sack of shit they call ‘Boris’. Revelations from Dominic Cummings appearance before Parliamentary Committee yesterday continues to send shockwaves through the part of Britain that is still shocked by how… Read more »

British Government To Rename Murders Carried Out By Soldiers As ‘Whoopsy Daisies’

AHEAD of a rumoured decision to prevent future prosecutions of British soldiers by introducing a statute of limitations, the British government is set to reclassify murders carried out by soldiers during the Troubles as ‘whoopsy daisies’. “We work shopped a few terms, but we feel this showcases our staggering indifference to the murder of people… Read more »