Tag: britain

Lady Of The Black Rod Resumes Day Job With Dyno-Rod

SARAH Clarke, also known as Lady Usher Of The Black Rod, the ceremonial face of British parliament and a key player in yesterday’s re-opening of the House Of Lords, is back to her day job rodding drains with the ever-busy drain-rodding company Dyno-Rod. Trading her black-and-white ceremonial garb for an orange high-vis jumpsuit, Lady Clarke opened up… Read more »

British Soldier Has No Idea He’ll Soon Be Screaming At Elderly Belfast Woman To ‘Get Out Of The Fucking Car’

A BRITISH SOLDIER from Swindon is reportedly completely unaware he will be pointing a gun at an elderly woman in Belfast in the near future, demanding she vacate her vehicle in the moments preceding a tragic incident that will forever remain in the minds of people in Northern Ireland, but not anyone from England, and which… Read more »

Theresa May Opens Zumba Class

FAR from the frail-looking woman who resigned as prime minister in July, the Theresa May who met WWN outside her newly-opened Zumba dance studio in London today is a fresh-faced, agile lady, with a body covered in sheets of glistening muscle. “I’ve never felt better,” beamed May, drinking from one of those fancy sports water bottles in… Read more »

Johnson Presented With ‘Irish History For Complete Fucking Morons’ During Dublin Visit

BORIS JOHNSON’S brief visit to Dublin was dominated by his inability to form coherent sentences regarding the border and no deal Brexit, but after Taoiseach Leo Varadkar thoughtfully presented him with a copy of Irish History For Complete Fucking Morons, it is hoped he may reconsider his current lack of any plan. The introductory book,… Read more »

Britain On Track To Fuck Ireland Over Again

DISREGARDING hundreds of years oppression, famine and general cruelty towards the island of Ireland, the British political establishment peeled back its maggot infested foreskin before gearing up to fuck Ireland over yet one more time. “Which way would you like it?” prime minister Boris Johnson asked the Irish public as he unzipped his trousers and unsheathed Britain’s throbbing… Read more »