Rihanna Is Building A Private Militia & People Are FREAKING Out


CALLING ALL RUDE boys, if you’re big enough Rihanna wants you. Specifically, she wants you for a mysterious private militia she is said to be building which is sending the internet WILD!

“What criteria is she using for prison camps? I need to know, is it nationality? Political persuasion? How much someone took the piss out of that video she filmed in Ireland?” one panicked fan wrote, after images began circulating of a heavily armed militia being put through their paces by the Fenty mogul.

Slay the live long day is certainly a motto Rihanna adheres to as she paired instructing her troops to ‘kill kill kill’ in training drills with wearing her camouflage military fatigues and stylish Doc Marten boots in pictures leaked to TMZ.

“Yes Queen! This is so random but I love it for you,” a supportive sounding Kim Kardashian commented under one of the photos on Instagram, in the clearest indication yet that a well trained armed force under the control of Rihanna had the backing of the celebrity world.

Reactions elsewhere have ranged from ‘I’m scared’, ‘what the actual fuck?’, ‘Rihanna, we want new music not war’ and ‘does she have nuclear capabilities? If so the UN needs to act’.

“Regional stability is a question. On which continent and what location is she plotting to take over?” queried one Pentagon official, actively monitoring the evolving situation.

“We’re concerned that 95% of Rihanna stans have expressed a desire to join the militia and are willing to do so for no pay. This can’t be allowed to happen”.