Locals Living Along River Shannon Begin Spitting In River At News Dubliners Will Need Additional Water


REACTING TO comments from the Chief Executive of Uisce Éireann Niall Gleeson in which he said that the Water Supply Project to direct water from the river Shannon to Dublin and its surrounding environs must go ahead, locals living by the river have begun spitting directly into Ireland’s largest waterway.

“Well if they’re intent on getting their filthy Dublin mitts on our water, they can have my chesty phlegm and all,” hissed one Clare man, in-between hocking intensely.

Men, women and children from the eleven counties touched by the Shannon as it flows through Ireland say their efforts to sully the waterways is the most effective way to ensure it never gets diverted to Dublin.

“We’ve men on shifts, drinking every bit of liquid they can get their mouths on and then its straight to pissing in the Shannon. If you think we’ll stop at spitting and pissing, just you wait and see,” said one Leitrim man eating some extra spicy curry.

Pissing in their own supply to spite the Dubs may be seen as drastic action to take, however,

“The Dubs are always taking from us, if it’s not our women, it’s suddenly discovering sea swimming is a thing, well they’ll not take our Shannon,” said one Limerick man, who could have been talking about the river or his daughter, Shannon.

Uisce Éireann tried to reassure the public that the diversion of some water was an essential project and would benefit 2.5 million people, safeguarding them against drought or contamination.

UPDATE: The contractor originally chosen for the project has been booted from the project after BAM construction confirmed it would be easier and €40bn more expensive to move the river Shannon, bucket by bucket, to a newly constructed riverbed in Dublin.