Category: POLITICS

Government Fairly Confident Things Can’t Get Any Worse

THE GOVERNMENT said today it was ‘fairly confident’ that things couldn’t get any worse and urged the remaining people in Ireland to be optimistic about the future of the local economy. Speaking from his arse earlier, finance minister Michael Noonan told WWN he believes the economy has more or less ‘bottomed out’ and expects gross… Read more »

Unemployed Still Continuing To Survive, EU Warns Government

THE EU has warned today that unemployed people are continuing to survive here and urged the government to apply tighter controls on the Irish social welfare system. The call in a European Commission report came as controversy continued over the amount of unemployed people ‘still breathing’ in Ireland. The Commission says more needs to be done… Read more »

‘North Korea Becoming Increasingly Hilarious’ Warns American Defense Secretary

US DEFENSE Secretary Leon Panetta warned today that North Korea is becoming increasingly hilarious and represented a substantial threat to the seriousness of global conflict. The comment came following news that the Democratic People’s Republic threatened the United States with a preemptive nuclear strike earlier. “They are making a mockery out of cold wars!” said Mr. Panetta. “Threatening the… Read more »

Parrallel Universe In Turmoil After Flanagan Blows Lid On Quashed Penalty Points

A PARALLEL  Universe was said to be in turmoil today after TD Ming Flanagan revealed he had penalty points wiped from his driving licence twice by a Garda and a local town councilor. The Roscommon man blew the lid off the corrupt relationship between members of the force and high-profile figures, leaving thousands of Irish men and women from the alternate reality in total… Read more »

Cardinal Brady ‘Well Fucking Chuffed’ About Papal Conclave Gig

CARDINAL Sean Brady said he was ‘well fucking chuffed’ today after arriving in Rome as one of the 115 cardinal-electors who will vote on the future leader of the Catholic church. Speaking outside Saint Peters basillica earlier, the 73-year-old Cavan man said he was honored to take part in the selection process and was looking forward to a… Read more »

Country Holds It’s Breath As Minister For Finance Puts Entire EU Bailout Fund On 9/4 Favourite ‘Hurricane Fly’ At Cheltenham

THE Republic of Ireland will be holding it’s breath today as the entire European/IMF bailout fund (€80bn) was put on the 9/4 favourite,  Hurricane Fly, in the Champion hurdle at Cheltenham today. It is estimated a ‘staggering’  2.5 million viewers will be glued to their television sets for the race at 3:20 this afternoon. Hurricane Fly’s recent record makes him a… Read more »