Tag: crime

Mafia Distance Themselves From Comparisons To FIFA

THE MAFIA has been quick to distance themselves from comparisons to football’s governing body FIFA after it emerged two witnesses in a corruption case against former FIFA executives have turned up dead in recent days, WWN confirm. “Hey now, don’t drag our names into this, you’re making us look bad,” confirmed mafia spokesmademan Tony Palatino,… Read more »

Friday Night Ruined After Massive Drugs Haul

THE DRUG TAKING portion of the population of Ireland has entered a period of mourning, following news that a tiny fraction of the drugs consumed of a weekend were being seized by Gardaí in county Meath, WWN can confirm. Friday night sessions across the country have been ruined as a result, with recreational drug users… Read more »

Nobody Shot In Dublin Today [UPDATED]

FOLLOWING months of gangland violence that has produced an ever-heightening pile of bodies, WWN can report that nobody has been shot in Dublin today. The whole day passed without incident, fostering a feeling that the guards were in control of the situation, and that human life still had value in the city. With no bullets… Read more »

Court Hears Pistorius Had Sexual Relationship With Gun

GASPS were heard inside the Pretoria courtroom this morning as evidence was presented before the court that insinuated murder accused Oscar Pistorius had been in engaged in a sexual relationship with a firearm. The shocking news broke this morning as a result of several strands of testimony being pieced together. However, rumours that Pistorius was… Read more »

Dublin Gang Intern Disappointed Crime Is Nothing Like Love/Hate

Anthony Mulhearn was said to be left disappointed after completing a 3-month internship with a leading Dublin gang. 17 year-old Anthony Mulhearn from Donabate, Dublin is reportedly regretting his decision to take up an internship with a leading crime gang after he described the experience as ‘a complete waste of time’. Anthony, inspired by hit… Read more »

Garda Commissioner Under Pressure To Be Good At His Job

Garda Commissioner Martin Callinan is said to be on the verge of resigning from his position after a number of politicians suggested he should apologise for remarks made about the recent Garda whistleblowers. Leading Government Ministers have gone even further, demanding that Commissioner Callinan start carrying out his duties to the standard expected of him…. Read more »

Mount’joy’ Prison Considering Name Change

Dublin prison will seek to find new name following inmates consistent disappointment upon first arriving. Mountjoy Prison, located in Dublin City is reportedly giving serious thought to changing its name as inmates have said the name is misleading and gives ‘false hope’. “I thought it was going to be loads nicer on the inside,” shared… Read more »