Smugglers Forced To Sit And Smoke 8.4 Million Cigarettes

REVENUE are continuing to crack down hard on illegal smuggling into Ireland, and with the added time on their hands they’ve been able to come up with some interesting and unique ways to punish those they catch.

A team of four men who attempted to smuggle 8.4 million cigarettes into Dublin port in a refrigerated container full of frozen chickens are currently being forced to smoke every last cigarette and eat every last chicken, in a project expected to last until November or until everyone dies.

Elsewhere, diesel smugglers have become easy targets thanks to the lower numbers of vehicles on our roads, and those caught smuggling tanks of green diesel into the Republic are to, again, be sat down and forced to drink every last drop.

A man stopped on a flight from Amsterdam with 18 Kinder Surprise capsules full of cocaine up his anus has been forced to sniff every last grain, while an illicit alcohol ring are currently on bottle 97 of a proposed 1,000 bottle binge after customs swooped at the weekend.

“As you can tell, we’ve really only got one gear when it comes to punishment,” said a spokesperson for the Customs.

“We catch you with something, you’re going to ingest it all yourself while we sit there and tell you how disappointed we are in you. Look, we’ve nothing but time on our hands these days. There’s only a few flights and far less container ships coming into the country so yeah, we can absolutely sit here while you smoke a million ciggies. Try us”.

Meanwhile, a man who had to eat 500,000 garlic bulbs imported as apples is said to be recovering from his ordeal, but best avoided for a week or two.