X Æ A-12 Already Needs Software Update

A BAFFLED Elon Musk is to spend most of today on the phone with customer support after realising that his new baby X Æ A-12 requires a software update despite Musk ‘only getting it a few days ago’.

“Why don’t they ship them with the most up-to-date software” mused the billionaire and partner of Grimes, currently operating on one hour of sleep a night for the first time since that time he came up with the idea of sending a car into space and high-fived himself for 23 hours.

“I can’t seem to make sense of anything that’s happening here; I ordered the kid to be quiet, it freaked out for four hours. Is this thing busted? Does it need a day-one patch to receive input and produce output correctly? Should I just strap it to a SpaceX rocket and take it from there?”

X Æ A-12, named after Musk’s great-grandfather X Æ A-09, is said to be a ‘bit of a disappointment’ to Musk so far, with the South African now wondering if he should have held out for the 2021 model, X Æ A-12s.

“Bit of ‘father’s remorse’ here, if I’m honest” mused Musk, mercilessly.

“Like honestly, did I need the extra gadget around the house? Desktop, laptop, phone, tablet, smartwatch; did I really need to have spit-up breast milk over everything? Still, it was worth it to see the look on X Æ A-12’s mother’s face as we both tweeted about the kid’s birth”.

Meanwhile, X Æ A-12 continues to communicate in some complex quantum-language that Musk’s best computers have yet to decipher beyond crying noises and farting.