Tag: tech

X Æ A-12 Already Needs Software Update

A BAFFLED Elon Musk is to spend most of today on the phone with customer support after realising that his new baby X Æ A-12 requires a software update despite Musk ‘only getting it a few days ago’. “Why don’t they ship them with the most up-to-date software” mused the billionaire and partner of Grimes,… Read more »

Social Media Sites Under Increasing Pressure Not To Be Such Deep Cesspools Of Unending Hate

A SENIOR EU official overseeing digital policy has warned tech giants such as Twitter, Facebook or the Facebook owned Instagram and WhatsApp could face fines if they fail to reverse their platforms’ slide towards cavernous cesspools of knuckle dragging hate and bile, WWN can reveal. With curbing disinformation and hate speech at the top of… Read more »

Delayed Launch Of Facebook ‘Dating’ Feature Blamed On Amount Of Ugly Single People

THE OVERABUNDANCE of ugly single people has been given as the reason for Facebook’s delayed launch of the ‘Facebook Dating’ feature across Ireland and Europe. Scheduled to launch the day before Valentine’s Day this year, the dating feature was the tech giant’s answer to popular apps like Grindr and Tinder, however, Facebook confirmed the postponement… Read more »

Zuckerberg To Make Damn Sure Ocasio-Cortez Never Gets Elected Again

A FURIOUS Mark Zuckerberg has returned to Facebook headquarters after a gruelling grilling at a congressional hearing over his social media platform’s poor policing of political information, and has vowed to make sure Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez spends the rest of her life ‘waiting fucking tables’. Ocasio-Cortez known as ‘AOC’ took Zuckerberg to task on Facebook’s… Read more »

POLL: Will You Vaccinate Your Children Against 5G?

THE advent of a superfast 5G on our shores presents the next generation with a whole slew of potentially fatal baseless health problems, including broadband-induced head cancer, gut rot, and liverwurst. To combat this, scientists PROBABLY ON THE SOROS PAYROLL have developed a 5G vaccine that will help inoculate our children and ourselves against the harmful… Read more »