A BAFFLED Elon Musk is to spend most of today on the phone with customer support after realising that his new baby X Æ A-12 requires a software update despite Musk ‘only getting it a few days ago’. “Why don’t they ship them with the most up-to-date software” mused the billionaire and partner of Grimes,… Read more »
THOSE searching for good news in these uncertain times should get a bit of relief from the news coming out of China today, almost all of tech giant Apple’s Chinese workforce has returned to productivity, including however many kids that are on the payroll. Most factories in China were forced to either shut down or… Read more »
A SENIOR EU official overseeing digital policy has warned tech giants such as Twitter, Facebook or the Facebook owned Instagram and WhatsApp could face fines if they fail to reverse their platforms’ slide towards cavernous cesspools of knuckle dragging hate and bile, WWN can reveal. With curbing disinformation and hate speech at the top of… Read more »
THE OVERABUNDANCE of ugly single people has been given as the reason for Facebook’s delayed launch of the ‘Facebook Dating’ feature across Ireland and Europe. Scheduled to launch the day before Valentine’s Day this year, the dating feature was the tech giant’s answer to popular apps like Grindr and Tinder, however, Facebook confirmed the postponement… Read more »
THE INCESSANT voice messaging of one Ainé Varley in a group chat titled ‘The Galzzz 🍷🍸👙’ has been the source of much discussion by members of the WhatsApp group in a separate secret chat in which the serial voice messager is not involved. Varley’s use of voice messages, which are often handier than typing stuff… Read more »
WWN have opened a case file to examine what links may exist between controversial political hopeful Gemma O’Doherty and some of the biggest pork processing corporations in the country; and we’re determined to blow the piggy lid right off this thing. We began our investigations into O’Doherty, a dead-cert for the Fingal seat in the… Read more »
A FURIOUS Mark Zuckerberg has returned to Facebook headquarters after a gruelling grilling at a congressional hearing over his social media platform’s poor policing of political information, and has vowed to make sure Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez spends the rest of her life ‘waiting fucking tables’. Ocasio-Cortez known as ‘AOC’ took Zuckerberg to task on Facebook’s… Read more »
ALL eyes were on Apple yesterday, when… Christ. Jesus Christ. How many times can we write this same article over and over again. It’s a phone. It’s a God damned phone. It’s the same fucking phone they revealed last year, and the year before, and the year before… for ten years, the same thing. A… Read more »
CASUALLY USING your phone or casually not using your phone, the problem consumers face today is the fear that were they to open their mouths within earshot of a phone it would be listening in, waiting to log what is said and using it in a sinister way. Targeting you with ads or services. Manipulating… Read more »
THE advent of a superfast 5G on our shores presents the next generation with a whole slew of potentially fatal baseless health problems, including broadband-induced head cancer, gut rot, and liverwurst. To combat this, scientists PROBABLY ON THE SOROS PAYROLL have developed a 5G vaccine that will help inoculate our children and ourselves against the harmful… Read more »