Drug Dealers Call For More Relaxed Garda Checkpoints

THE NATION’S drug dealers along with strung out users have today made an emotional appeal to An Garda Síochána to loosen checkpoints up and down the country amid one of the most serious drug droughts the underworld has ever seen.

Afraid to transport even the smallest of contraband from town to town, city to city, dealers united to confront the current lockdown restrictions, stating that customers need their medicine to curb civil unrest.

“There’s chronic weed smokers climbing the fucking walls right now, stuck in with their families while remaining totally sober, which is an act of cruelty in itself,” local drugs wholesaler Clinkers Kelly told WWN, who was picketing with several high profile ‘heads’ outside Waterford garda station today.

“There’s lads getting lifted left, right and centre just trying to do their bit for society. No wonder people are snapping at home and that – people need their gear to get through this home arrest bullshit – the guards are making it worse for half the country the fucking dopes”.

The protesters called on Gardaí to just turn a blind eye to any suspicious vehicles, calling for stop and search laws to be lifted at traffic checkpoints and allow mules to traffic goods from one town to the next.

“I’ve cleaned every nook and cranny, fixed every shelf, the lawn is like a professional fucking golf course out there its manicured so much and I’ve nothing else left to do – I’m cracking up without me smoke,” one cannabis user explained his plight. “Just give the dealers one day a week to move their stuff without being caught, that’s all”.

Gardaí have since advised dealers to ‘cop on’ and just use the ‘backroads like everyone else’.