COCAINE usage in Ireland has soared to an incredible 99.999999999% of the population, with the only hold-out being Waterford dry shite Liam O’Neill, who took a moment from his busy lick-arse schedule to talk to us about his stance on the drug. “I just don’t see the appeal of it,” said O’Neill, who apparently has… Read more »
NEWS THAT Thailand, previously known for executing you for even thinking about snorting sugar, is to allow the cultivation and possession of marijuana has made the heel dragging of Irish authorities look a little ridiculous, WWN can confirm. “Sorry but as politicians elected by the public to write and pass laws we first have to… Read more »
THE soaring abundance of cheap, highly-addictive crack cocaine in Irish cities and towns could be the answer for hundreds of thousands of people who are struggling to find the perfect gift for their mothers this Christmas, WWN can confirm. No longer just something you hear about on cop shows and movies on TV, crack is… Read more »
A COUNTY Waterford man has kindly offered to help the national Garda forensic lab a ‘dig out’ after hearing news it was struggling to keep up with the amount of drug seizures it had to test due to staffing levels and have to now “prioritise” which seizures they test. Dicey Rogers, (28), stated he and… Read more »
BLISSFULLY unaware of the vast array of contraband he is currently peddling around on his daily route, Waterford postman Davey Holden whistled chirpily as he went door to door, as eager parcel receivers hovered nervously at the other side of their letterbox. “Hopefully it’s not another ‘love letter’ from customs,” cannabis user Terrace Mark Hannebery… Read more »
WATERFORD CITY young fella, Jayo Lonergan, has warned his fellow peers today about the strength of a new batch of ecstasy tablet being distributed around the town, stating there is ‘some fucking slap off them’. Mr. Lonergan made the claim following a ‘massive session’ over the weekend and urged anyone buying the new pills not… Read more »
AFTER only learning of the existence of ‘hippie crack’ shortly after his appointment as Minister for Drugs Strategy and having to apologise for stating people in RTÉ were ‘snorting all over the place’, Fine Gael TD Frank Feighan has pledged to get up to speed on the drugs issue. In the meantime WWN picked the… Read more »
COKE-strapped punters in the south east are today hailing a local dealer’s new dial-a-line delivery as ‘a groundbreaking service to the community’ and ‘a welcome addition to the house party scene’. “I’ve been having the lads around to the house for a few cans every weekend since lockdown started, and we’ve noticed that the one… Read more »
THE NATION’S drug dealers along with strung out users have today made an emotional appeal to An Garda Síochána to loosen checkpoints up and down the country amid one of the most serious drug droughts the underworld has ever seen. Afraid to transport even the smallest of contraband from town to town, city to city,… Read more »
THE STREAMING giant Netflix has named Ireland as the location for the next few series of the popular ‘Narcos’ series, stating the country was the obvious choice after recent drug-related headlines. Netflix is sticking close to the winning formula of a filming in a narco-state terrorised by brazen criminals, enabled by inept political leadership from… Read more »