“I Haven’t Acted Out My Impure Thoughts In Ages” Meet The Irish Catholics Micro Dosing The Body Of Christ
WITH SCIENCE only recently catching up to the benefits of micro dosing psychedelics to treat a range of mental health issues like PTSD, depression, and anxiety disorders, WWN delves into the world of alternative micro dosing which has caught middle-Ireland by storm.
“I found taking one full dose every Sunday morning wore off mid-week and the filthy thoughts would start haunting me,” local parishioner David Robindaughter self-confessed, “when I tried micro dosing just tiny bits of BOC every day, I was able to fend off all my demons and not have to worry about carrying out a heinous act”.
David is one of thousands of young Irish Catholics who have jumped on this latest trend which many believe can ward off depraved urges by simply nibbling on a consecrated communion wafer.
“Usually I’d be creeping on our Au Pair come Wednesday, but thanks to the BOC, I’m like a new woman,” revealed church goer Teresa Ryan, a doting wife to Thomas and mother of three young children, “I find taking small doses of Christ just before Monique starts her daily yoga routine really carries me through the day and prevents any fantasies I have about oiling her up and tucking into her perfectly proportioned caboose”.
Currently a taboo among traditional Catholics, the new age micro dosing of BOC is now starting to become mainstream in some inner city dioceses, with one renegade priest offering micro dosing communion drive-thrus every morning from the back of his church.
“There needs to be more research done, but Jesus’ power is strong and I think sparing that power out every day as opposed to once a week is far better for dirty minded sinners,” Fr. X told WWN, administering BOC with a quick blessing to one of dozens of queuing parishioners on their way to work, “however, I have found people do tend to build up a tolerance to Christ and need a break every few weeks, but a few splashes of holy water in the interim will carry them through”.