“Some Fucking Slap Off Them New Yokes Floating Around The Town” Warns Waterford Lad
WATERFORD CITY young fella, Jayo Lonergan, has warned his fellow peers today about the strength of a new batch of ecstasy tablet being distributed around the town, stating there is ‘some fucking slap off them’.
Mr. Lonergan made the claim following a ‘massive session’ over the weekend and urged anyone buying the new pills not to ‘double-drop’.
“I got a rake of them off a lad in Larchville on Friday ’cause I was meant to be going to a Christening over the weekend,” explained the grandson of four. “I made the mistake of neckin’ two of them before I was about to head out one night and just ended up chewing the jaw off meself on the couch watching He-Man. Couldn’t find the remote control to turn it off or nothin'”.
The unemployed pharmacist told WWN that he had no recollection of the night’s events and could only briefly describe the tablet.
“They were green with little speckles in them and had an S or something printed on them,” he said, before holding one nostril and expelling the content’s of the other nostril onto the ground.
“I’d take them again now, but I wouldn’t be lobbing that many into me at once… learnt me lesson now, bai, had brain zaps for weeks after, sure”.
Sources close to Mr. Lonergan confirmed the fact that he was in an ‘awful hoop’ at the weekend and kept speaking to people beside him who weren’t even there.
“Didn’t know whether he wanted a shit or a haircut,” said friend and confidant Clem Kelly. “Looked like sloth from the Goonies then at one stage, started talking to the fridge, hugging it and trying to give it money… started dry humping the arm chair then, forgot where he was, took a shit in the plant; just your typical Saturday in, ya know?”
It’s widely speculated in the drug user community that dark speckled tablets have a higher MDMA level than most, and are often sought after due to being ‘sum fucking slap’.
“There’s a nice clean bang off them and you’d be up for hours on the fucking yokes,” added Lonergan, before concluding “I’d gladly pay seven euro a pop for them things, swear ta God”.