People Urged To Leave Valuables In Shed To Keep Burglars Ticking Over

DECIMATED by the coronavirus lockdown, the nation’s career criminals have come out in force to ask the general public if they could leave at least one or two items of value in their garden sheds in a bid to keep them ticking over during the crisis.

Unable to avail of government grants, burglars said they’re the forgotten trade in Ireland and are very worried about their future revenue source now people don’t leave their homes.

“We’re not asking for much; just a couple of TVs, some jewellery, whatever you’ve got handy lying around that we can offload fairly quickly,” a spokesburglar told WWN, who admitted he hasn’t seen business this bad since the last big snow storm two years ago, “if this lockdown continues, I’ll have to call it a day and hang up my old face mask and crowbar and no one wants that”.

Burglars have insisted people should still lock the garden shed to help criminals preserve a modicum of self worth and dignity, stating that there’s no fun in leaving valuables just lying around as what they do is ‘a form of art’.

“I suppose it’s like having a bird feeder, only you’re attracting desperate humans into your garden,” local couple Dave and Trisha Enright said explaining their reasoning for opting to leave a 32″ Samsung TV in their shed, before spotting their first burglar of the lockdown “whisht! there’s one now. Sure, God love him, he’s probably dying to rob something the poor craytor.

“Oh brilliant, he’s managed to pop the lock there and found the TV inside – it’s just great to give back all the same,” they added, before deciding to leave out an old iPhone 5s tonight.

UPDATE: RTÉ presenter Claire Byrne has been stolen from her shed.