A HUGE uptick in fortunes for under siege British crime minister Boris Johnson has seen him snag some long overdue good luck in the form of accusations his party is sexist, WWN can reveal. “Finally some good news,” said Johnson, now he is batting away claims his sexist party members have been speaking to the… Read more »
HISTORIANS studying a Game of Thrones tourism location believe they have uncovered what is estimated to be the only non-sectarian graffiti in Northern Ireland, WWN can reveal. A Russian army supporting ‘Z – glory to Russia’ was daubed on the road leading to the ‘dark hedges’ trees, made famous by the HBO fantasy series and… Read more »
DEMOCRACY fans across Europe are celebrating the least worst option winning the French presidential election with Emmanuel Macron securing a second term in office as he defeated Marine Le Pen, regarded as the ‘holy fuck, that’s terrible’ option. “Hells bells, de Gaulle’s balls! Thank goodness for that, I can go back to ignoring French politics… Read more »
THOUSANDS of cannabis dealers took to the streets this morning over news that People Before Profit TD Gino Kenny is bringing new bill to the Dáil in a bid to decriminalise the plant and regulate it, taking the sale and revenue away from criminal organisations and low-level street dealers. Weed dealers, who were supposed to… Read more »
STRUGGLING to carve out the time necessary to deny the high volume of war crimes being committed daily by the Russian military, Vladimir Putin is now block filming denials to Russian media every Sunday evening in a bid to implausibly deny irrefutable evidence in a less time-consuming manner. “There will be no mass graves found… Read more »
THE British public has announced that they appreciate the fact that Prime Minister Boris Johnson will face no repercussions for breaking the very rules he himself put in place during the Covid pandemic, but could he at least not look so damned smug about it. The Prime Minister, along with his Chancellor of the exchequer… Read more »
WIKILEAKS chief Julian Assange is to be extradited to the United States to face charges on something or other, we’re not sure, we used to know but to be honest it’s all gotten a bit complicated at this stage. Assange had spent many years holed up in the Ecuadorian embassy in London as he battled… Read more »
A TENSE and hotly contested tête-à-tête, France’s only televised debate between Emmanuel Macron and Marine Le Pen largely served as both candidates’ last chance to let voters know where they stand on big issues. However, Le Pen receiving a loan from a Russian Bank which remains unpaid, being investigated for fraud and her nakedly xenophobic… Read more »
“ARE YOU sure? Double check,” Department of Housing officials stated when a secretary confirmed that despite the recent news from DRHE that 115 homeless people died in Dublin last year there was no angry mob outside on the street demanding inquiries, accountability and a basic level of humanity. “So, do we even bother with a… Read more »
UNDERVALUED miracle-working teachers who are somehow also workshy ungrateful overpaid moaners were kept behind for detention yesterday due to their heckling of Norma Foley’s speech at the annual INTO congress, WWN can reveal. “Dún do bhéal gach duine, do ye pups honestly think heckling will get Paschal to loosen the purse strings? I want 100… Read more »