SEAN FITZPATRICK, former Anglo Irish Bank chairman and the reason your children and your children’s children are saddled with debt, has died aged 73, WWN has learned. The complete and utter banker will be remembered for his stewardship of Anglo Irish Bank during the period it became one of the most notorious financial institutions in… Read more »
THERE WAS a momentary sense that British prime minister Boris Johnson would capitulate and bow to pressure over the current sleaze scandal until everyone realised no, wait, this is Boris Johnson we’re talking about, WWN can reveal. “Yeah I honestly can’t believe we thought a serial liar, adulterer and dabbler in xenophobia would suddenly surrender… Read more »
CONFIDENT that everyone has waited for him to receive his all-clear backup Covid test before getting down to anything too serious at COP26, Green Party leader Eamon Ryan has finally set off on his zero-emissions trip from Dublin to Glasgow for the remainder of the summit. “It’s Ryan time!” beamed the jubilant Dublin South TD… Read more »
REACTING to the publication of the Climate Action Plan which will cost €125 billion and has 475 actions to reduce greenhouse gasses by 50% by 2030, one local family said the low cost retrofitting loan scheme is ‘of fuck all use to them.’ “It costs a lot to heat this house, too much in fact… Read more »
A YOUTH led protest in Glasgow which threatened to disrupt the egos of leading political figures in attendance has thankfully been dispersed before any lucrative future positions on the boards of fossil fuel companies were harmed. Police were quick to disperse the protest using high-powered anti-riot oil canons supplied by Shell at zero cost to… Read more »
WITH the coalition’s Climate Action Plan being published today while Glasgow plays host to the ongoing COP26 conference, everyone’s minds has been drawn to focusing on the issue of averting climate disaster. But what will a greener Ireland looks like? We take some peyote with a local farmer and travel to Eamon Ryan’s Ireland green… Read more »
THE Earth Mother herself has made a surprise appearance at the COP26 summit in Glasgow, with plenty on her mind about how humanity has treated her over the last 200 years. “I’ve been subtly warning humanity about this shit since the dawn of industrialisation to no avail, well, maybe they’ll listen to me now” said… Read more »
A SCHOOLKID caught up in last night’s violent anti-N.I Protocol rally in West Belfast has admitted that he’s not overly familiar with the nuances of the Brexit divorce deal that the grown-ups in the area seem to be so angry about, but he certainly loves being out with the lads throwing rocks. The youth, who… Read more »
FOLLOWING a pledge by the government to reduce carbon emissions across the island of Ireland, nearly one third of Irish farmers will be humanely culled by the army by 2030, WWN has learned. “We promise to focus only on ageing farmers who don’t have much time left anyway,” Taoiseach Michael Martin attempted to ease tensions,… Read more »
AMID speculation that another lockdown might be on the cards if cases keep on rising, the nation would like to just point out that they wouldn’t mind staying indoors for the entirety of January, giving everyone a long, well deserved, post-Christmas break, WWN has learned. “Let us have until New Years and then we don’t… Read more »