NEWS that the British Navy has once again been monitoring the activities of Russian military vessels in Irish waters because Ireland is ill-equipped to carry out such activities is currently gnawing away at the very soul of the nation. “It’s killing me on the inside, in my bones, my nerves, on the outside, my eyelashes,… Read more »
AMONG the tips the Department of Environment are issuing to the public as part of plans to shore up Ireland’s energy security this winter include advice to simply stop existing during peak hours for energy consumption. “Around 4pm to 7pm is when the energy grid is in most demand, so we’re asking people if they… Read more »
AIDES to departing British prime minister Boris Johnson had ‘no notes’ for him about his hugely successful and scandal free time in office, nodding in agreement with his final speech in office which concluded with the word ‘that went rather well’. “Good question, but no, no I don’ think so,” said Johnson in response to… Read more »
WITH 82,000 Tory voters choosing Liz Truss as their preferred candidate for punishing the poor, the 47-year-old Englishwoman is all but confirmed as the UK’s next prime minister. Here’s everything you need to know about Liz Truss: Is Britain’s third successive female leader to prove it’s not only the men that can be detached sociopaths… Read more »
THOSE expecting Liz Truss’ reign as British prime minister to usher in a much needed era of competent, capable and integrity-filled leadership have been roundly laughed at as the 47-year-old is set to make Johnson look like the 12-brained offspring of Stephen Hawking by comparison, WWN can confirm. “Oh I know you think the sentient… Read more »
ADAPTING to the future and revolutionising their ability to fundraise, Sinn Féin have officially entered to cryptocurrency market. “We have to look into these alternatives in fairness, lads who donate €4mn to a political party in their will don’t grow on trees,” said Pearse Doherty at RepubliCoin’s launch. Financial experts have described the move as… Read more »
UNDER FIRE fror not previously declaring his status as a vampire who thirsts for human blood, local TD Dracula O’Neill has spoken out against criticism he has received, rejecting the accusation that his being a vampire has unduly influenced his voting record on bloodsucking legislation. “I think it’s wrong to make such a point of… Read more »
OUTGOING British PM Boris Johnson has only a few weeks left before stepping down, and is using his time to make sure he fulfills everything he wanted to achieve when he took the reins in 2019. “Conduct a dawn raid with a heavily armed police force on the home of a black person, check!” beamed… Read more »
WITH Stephen Donnelly joining Fianna Fail’s Robert Tory and Sinn Féin Johnny Guirke in what are sure to be the only cases of TDs failing to register a property with the Residential Tenancies Board, it is believed these three TDs will be the only ones subject to a punishment of a maximum fine of €4,000… Read more »
THE WORLD is in mourning after the passing of legendary Pizza hut commercial actor Mikhail Gorbachev, who has died at the age of 91. A magnetic screen presence, Gorbachev was launched into international stardom after starring in advert for the pizza chain, after spending decades being passed over for major roles. “I was this close… Read more »