“Citizens Assembly Members Not Understanding Final Vote Probably Stoned,” Confirms Paul Reid


“AWFUL smell of weed in here, anyone else get that stench?” chair of the Citizens Assembly on Drugs Paul Reid was heard to say after many participants criticised the final voting on recommendations as confusing and demanded a vote be held again.

With one participant critcising the assembly as an ‘undemocratic and non-transparent process’ managed from the start to a pre-determinded outcome, many are calling for a rerun of the vote but not before participants questioned and concerns are addressed.

In an effort to appease those dissenting voices Reid ordered a bumper delivery of munchies but their opposition and demands remained.

“Sounds like a few spacers didn’t know what was going on, I can think of a few drugs associated with memory loss and general stupefying of the mind,” shared one former guard who spoke before the assembly about how a cannabis leaf blew up a school with a bomb made from spliffs.

The findings of the assembly which assembly members say they did not in fact find at all will be sent to government which will dilute all the most progressive recommendations to the point that the new drug policy will essentially remain unchanged.

“I think on the one hand I like that the CA went for a ‘health led approach’ but on the other hand do they realise the state of the Irish health service?” offered one member of the public, who will only have to wait another decade before the HSE fails to recruit the medical professionals to fulfill roles in addiction supports and services.

UPDATE: pictures of the ballots given to participants and shown to WWN reveal options included ‘do you want to legalise cannabis which is basically like putting a gun to the head of a lovely granny who knits jumpers with the word “love” on them’ or ‘a comprehensive health-led approach which can’t for some reason also include legalisation and regulation of cannabis’.