“Ireland Is Full… Ireland For The Irish” Taoiseach

LEO VARADKAR, a man who not 5 months ago stated that there would be no cap put on the number of Ukrainian refugees Ireland would take, has confirmed ‘Ireland is full’.

“The reason? No, it’s not that 400 HSE sites lie vacant, or that it takes us 18 months to build less than 10% of our 700 target of ‘quick build’ modular homes. No, we’re just full to capacity now because we’re so good at this stuff,”

Varadkar2022, an earlier model Taoiseach had a software bug which meant he often accused people of being ‘far right’ or racist-adjacent if they implied hashtag Ireland is full. The new updated model comes with ‘let’s try blame refugees for the housing crisis’ preinstalled.

“There is no limit on our compassion,” confirmed the Taoiseach in the Dáil before admitting 18 months of failing to convert vacant sites in a timely manner has meant the government has limited its level of competency to ‘not arsed’.

Advisers to the Taoiseach couldn’t rule out unveiling more new positions which contradict much of what has been said and promised over the last two years.

“Depending on how things go we have Leo penciled in to say he knows of one Ukrainian woman who actually started the war just to get her 18 children on the Irish social welfare before rounding things off by attending a refugees not welcome rally early next year,” explained an adviser.

One disappointed local man who has been saying Ireland is full for years had this to say.

“He didn’t go far enough, I didn’t see one mention of the fact all those Ukrainian women and kids are actually UN soldiers. I went to one refugee ‘shelter’ and it turned out to be the house from the Euromillions ad with all the slides going through it, and the kids? They were 5G masts!”