“Can’t Get A Decent 3-in-1 For Love Nor Money” Tánaiste Criticises China During Official Visit

IRISH people may have feared Tánaiste Micheál Martin’s trip to China would be void of tough talk on the big issues but it’s clear from his latest comments that fear was unjustified and the Fianna Fáil man is perhaps owed an apology.

“Honestly, buck up your ideas lads, it’s a Chinese delicacy is it not? Cork is wiping the floor with ye,” Martin told Chinese foreign minister Wang Yi, in a clear and forceful rebuke of the nation’s 3-in-1 standards.

“Fried rice, curry, chips; it’s not rocket science, but when I asked for it down the Haidian District there last night everyone looked at me like I was looking for bat soup in a wet market,” added Martin to Chinese Vice President Han Zheng.

While the Irish public presumed Martin would eventually move onto bringing up the plight of Uyghur Muslims or the attempts to silence UCD academics whenever they speak on matters of Chinese history and current policies, Martin’s ire remained fixed on the ‘piss poor’ quality of take away staples.

“We want our Irish beef exports to China to start up again, but honestly what’s the point if your eateries are only going to butcher their attempts at a 4-in-1,” said Martin, his criticism laid bare and leaving Chinese officials in no doubt that Ireland will not stand for injustices of any kind.