THERE was jubilant scenes in the home of Dublin teenager Amy Halpin this week, after …
AFTER hastily ordering an Apple Watch online some weeks ago, Dublin native Wayne Filan can almost distract the general public away from the fact he has an improbably small penis. The revelation that Filan has an improbably small penis came for a presumption made by the public, who believe he must be overcompensating for something… Read more »
THAT GUY in the wheelchair you’ve been staring at for the last five minutes purposely made eye contact with you just there to make you feel uneasy, he admitted later today. Liam McDermott, who shattered his lower vertebrae in a road collision in 1998, said he could feel someone staring at him while he was eating his… Read more »
THE United States Department of Labor is to launch a full investigation into Donald Trump’s Twitter account today after it was revealed a 12-year-old Indian boy ghostwrote for the American business magnate for just 12 cents an hour. Mohammed Petal, who studies English in school, admitted to working for the Trump foundation since 2010, aged only seven…. Read more »
FOLLOWING reports that a radio debate on Marriage Equality was reduced to a member of the no side asking for a description of gay sex, comes the news that the no side have deleted their internet search history in a panic. The details of homosexual love making are of course entirely unknown to the heterosexual community,… Read more »
TAINISTE Joan Burton shocked onlookers earlier today during a bizarre altercation with a heckler in which the Labour party leader declared herself to be “the Mother of Dragons”. Burton had been campaigning for the yes side in the upcoming marriage equality referendum in west Dublin in the early morning, when the incident occurred. Eyewitnesses claim… Read more »
WITNESSES at the scene of Freddie Gray’s arrest have today claimed they could have sworn Gray said “loot and destroy everything”, before being ushered into a police van by members of the Baltimore PD. Gray, who was arrested on April 12 after making eye contact with officers and then running away, was held down, handcuffed and loaded… Read more »
THE Nation is said to be rejoicing at the news that the Government will spend any surplus the State has not on essential public service, but on aggressively pursuing your vote through the complex means of bribing. With Minister for Finance Michael Noonan using the Government’s Spring Economic Statement to explain how he intends on… Read more »
WORLD renowned toothpaste scientist Prof. Conrad Lee admitted today that his team is all out of ideas when it comes to further advancing the product, claiming they have already covered every possible formula. Lee, who works with several toothpaste manufacturers across the world, believes the industry should “quit while it’s ahead” and not keep reinventing something that just… Read more »
WORLD renowned lads mag FHM has released its annual compilation of the world’s sexiest women this week, although declining sales of the magazine have led to the list being downgraded from a Top 100 to a Top 93. In the end, former Coronation Street actress Michelle Keegan scored this year’s title of Sexiest Woman in… Read more »
