Non-Sports Fan Wondering How Much Longer He Can Hold Football Conversation With Barman

FEARS are growing for Dublin man Cathal Fahey this evening after he was inadvertently dragged into conversation about football with barman Terry Rogers, despite not being a fan of any sports at all.

Fahey’s decision to go for a quiet pint while his wife entertained some friends at home hit a brick wall at a quarter to eight, when Rogers turned on the TV to watch a game.

“I’d say all eyes are on Chelsea tonight,” the barman started, pouring Fahey’s Guinness. “Mourinho has gone off the rails lately. Stoke could win this.”

Instead of admitting his lack of knowledge about the game of football in general, the fully functional adult committed to the conversation, with: ‘It’ll be an interesting one alright’.

Realising his mistake and inability to return to his non-sport loving stance, Cathal Fahey desperately scrambled for today’s paper, which lay dog-eared on the counter beside him.

“Okay, back page is football,” he told himself, now frantically looking for references to the game before the barmans return. “This is all these football heads do anyway: regurgitate what they hear and read.”

“I dunno now, Willian could win it for Chelsea,” Fahey then announced, memorising a paragraph. “Don’t forget, he scored four goals in the last eleven games. Although, in saying that, they’ll be lost without Matic after his dismissal at West Ham.”

Intrigued, Rogers agreed with his customer’s sentiments, before replying with a barrage of facts and figures, curiously similar to the ones in the article Fahey just read.

“It’ll be a hard one to call,” Fahey pointed out, moving as far away from the bar as possible. “I’m just gonna sit down over here and analyse the game,” before adding “C’mon soccer!”