What The German Takeover Of Tayto Means For You

LIKE thieves in the night, German food giant Intersnack snuck in and purchased Largo Foods founder Ray Coyle’s remaining 25% stake in the company which makes Tayto crisps, effectively turning Ireland’s beloved national crisp into a German product.

If you’re like the WWN team, you have been raised to know that once they take our crisps, we are left with nothing. Here’s all the ways this treacherous deal will affect you and your crisp-loving loved ones.

Increased Emissions

Although Intersnack will claim that packets of Tayto meet the strict international regulations which govern how much gas a pack of crisps will make you emit after you eat them, a damning report has shown that these figures have been tampered with. A pack of Tayto will now cause you to blow off twice as much as before, with dreadful consequences for cheese and onion lovers.

Flavours will be separated by a massive wall

Cheese & Onion on one side, Salt & Vinegar on the other. Never shall the two mix, until the wall is brought down following years of international pressure. Then, and only then shall we have a sandwich with both flavours of crisp in it!

The Minister for Crisps will answer to Frankfurt

Rather than make decisions about the crisp policies in Ireland, Minister for Crisps Hal Callinan will now have to run everything by a governing body in Frankfurt. This loss of Irish crisp sovereignty is said to be the most insulting part of the deal.

Tayto Park is to be renamed

From September, Tayto Park will be renamed Tayto Camp.

Following news of the changes, the CEO of Intersnack was unavailable for comment, having fled to Argentina.