Chirpy Bastard ‘Never Gets Hangovers’

“I’m grand lads, not a bother on me!” Darren Reynolds addressed friends in his sitting room this morning after what was deemed the most epic bank holiday session yet. “I never get hangovers at all, no matter how much I drink.”

Reynolds, who was out two nights in a row with his clique of friends in Waterford city, was greeted with groans from those he just woken.

“I must have drank twelve large bottles of Bulmers and about seven JD’s and coke,” he said, before asking if anyone wanted a fry up.

Unaware of his annoying and slightly condescending tone, the 26-year-old legend opened the sitting room curtains in a bid to to ‘peel back the day’.

“Aw, for fuck’s sake Darren will you ever fuck off and leave us sleep you chirpy bastard,” shouted his friend Clarky from the couch below. “Some of us are still skagged outavit from Saturday, lay off with the fucking food talk boy, will ya? M’after eatin’ the inside of me jaw, so I’m fine.”

Forcing a perky whistle as he exited the room, the grandson-of-four decided to leave his friends sleep for the moment, but promised to be back in an hour ‘after his 10k run’.

“Go fuck yourself Darren,” everyone thought in unison. “Go fuck yourself.”