A GOVERNMENT think tank has warned today of gangs of great white shark immigrants coming …
A GOVERNMENT think tank has warned today of gangs of great white shark immigrants coming over to Ireland to leech of its vulnerable social welfare system. Economist Gerard Heefy told WWN that the recent influx of benefit seeking predators along the Irish coast is a testament to the governments weak approach on ‘free-loaders’ entering the… Read more »
AN AFRICAN American couple and their young child were said to be ‘unharmed’ after visiting a children’s playground in Dublin’s Phoenix Park yesterday afternoon. Shawn Carter and his wife Beyoncé brought their daughter Blue Ivy to play on the swings. It is believed the family were unphased by the reality going on around them and… Read more »
The political world was shocked yesterday when rumours first emerged of Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin being engaged in a very public meltdown resulting in him being rushed to a psychiatric unit in an Irish mental institution. In what some are speculating was a ‘Twitter meltdown, but actually in public in real life’ Micheál Martin,… Read more »
Members of the public who have expressed shock and dismay at Russia’s recent encroachment on the border of Ukraine, specifically the region of Crimea, have been told to read a history book. Slightly older members of the public were quick to air cynical comments relating to the all too familiar sight of a large nation,… Read more »
Citing important things such as ‘form’, ‘trainer’, ‘jockey’ and ‘good-to-soft’ Irish lad Danny Scanlan is convinced he has just the tip for the Champion Hurdle at 3.20pm tomorrow. While Danny, a Wexford native, didn’t like to reveal the exact identity of his source for the tip so close to the festival beginning tomorrow. However, he… Read more »
This afternoon sees the Fine Gael leader in Manchester to open the new Irish World Heritage Centre. In what is being hailed as a public relations masterstroke by everyone in the Irish and British media, Taoiseach Enda Kenny is set to meet his British counterpart in a bid to look more likable by utilising a… Read more »
Phallic fruit market to see ease in tensions following announcement of merger. It was the merger the fruit-loving world was waiting for as Fyffes and Chiquita have finally put long standing differences aside to merge. The much publicised merger comes after years of bloodshed between the companies who were hell bent on gaining market superiority…. Read more »
A DUBLIN city-centre waitress is currently standing by for several of her customers to fill their mouths with food before approaching them to ask if they’re ‘ok for everything’. Una Zladawich, originally from not here, admitted to WWN today that she purposely stands by in wait, just to watch the stupid reply attempts by people… Read more »
THE People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has called for a worldwide ban on St.Patricks day celebrations due to the missionary’s past history with snakes in Ireland. The animal rights group said the patron saint was nothing more than a ‘sadist reptile hater’ who took pleasure in killing animals in the name of… Read more »
A NEW study claimed today that everyone living in the UK and Ireland will eventually end up working for supermarket giant Tesco in the next 20 years. After a five year study into economic and global trends, researchers at Oxford university estimate there will be over 250,000 branches of the British-owned multinational grocery in Ireland,… Read more »
