Trump’s Medical Records Reveal He Is 1/4 Oompa Loompa
US PRESIDENTIAL candidate Donald Trump has finally bowed to pressure and released his medical records which contained some startling results.
As part of the general questionnaire portion of the examination by physicians, Trump was asked his ethnicity and listed himself as 1/4 Oompa Loompa, finally drawing to a close intense speculation about his orange skin tone.
“Ooompa Loompas don’t enjoy a great reputation in the US so you can see why he tried to hide it up until this point, it also goes some way to explaining his tiny hands,” the doctor examining Trump explained. The 72-year-old real estate mogul is Oompa Loompa on his grandfather’s side, with his grandfather emigrating to the US from Loompaland in the early 1900s.
Trump displayed his results in front of the media’s cameras this morning, claiming they were the best medical records of anyone, ever. However, there were visible handwritten portions to the medical records which bore similarities to Trump’s own handwriting.
“See here, the Doc wrote ‘largest penis in known universe’, OK, believe me, he’s a doctor – he knows what he’s talking about, I have the best doctors,” Trump explained.
The Republican nominee also went on to reveal that the medical examination proved that he did not possess the ‘idiot gene’ and that he could run the 100 metres in a faster time than Usain Bolt.
Trump will spend the rest of his day on the campaign trail courting the African American vote in subtle fashion.
“Believe me, I know it’s hard out here for a pimp,” Trump said when addressing a crowd of African American voters at a rally.