Category: WORLD NEWS

‘North Korea Becoming Increasingly Hilarious’ Warns American Defense Secretary

US DEFENSE Secretary Leon Panetta warned today that North Korea is becoming increasingly hilarious and represented a substantial threat to the seriousness of global conflict. The comment came following news that the Democratic People’s Republic threatened the United States with a preemptive nuclear strike earlier. “They are making a mockery out of cold wars!” said Mr. Panetta. “Threatening the… Read more »

‘Humble’ Pope Francis Still Insists On Wiping Own Arse, Reveals Vatican Arse Wiper

THE VATICAN’S chief toilet attendant revealed today that newly appointed Pope Francis the first still insists on wiping his own arse after using the lavatory. Cardinal Rodrigo Gonzalez believes the papal refusal for assisted anus cleansing is an early sign that times at the Roman Catholic Church may be changing. “The Holy Father stopped me midway insisting I leave… Read more »

Outsourced Chinese Worker Also Admits To Outsourcing Job

THE CHINESE worker at the centre of a US outsourcing scandal has also admitted today that he too has outsourced the job — to a software developer in India. The news comes just one day after a software developer known only as “Bob”, was fired for outsourcing his duties to the Chinese man so that he… Read more »

Tumour Expected To Leave Hospital After Margaret Thatcher Removal

A MALIGNANT tumour is expected to leave hospital later today after a successful removal of a Margaret Thatcher, sources said last night. The four-month-old growth was admitted last week to have the operation. Doctors said the tumour was doing well and should be fit to leave hospital shortly after lunch time to “convalesce privately.” Tests will now be carried… Read more »

Santa Shot Down Inside Syrian Airspace

U.S. INTELLIGENCE has confirmed this evening that Santa Claus was shot down at 16:09 GMT by by Syrian forces while flying inside Syrian airspace, American officials have said. The CIA said the unarmed sleigh registered to one Mr. Claus was not delivering arms to Syrian rebels, but was actually delivering Christmas presents to children at… Read more »

Tearful US Attack Drone ‘Elated’ Over Obama Victory

A TEARFUL United States attack drone stationed in Afghanistan said it was ‘elated’ today over the news of president Obama’s re-election victory. S-3476 said it stayed up all night to watch the live coverage of the ‘nail-biting’ voting count and expressed deep emotion throughout the event. “Me and the guys were all glued to a… Read more »

Titgate: Nine French Officials Killed In London Embassy Attack

ROYAL fundamentalists angered over the countries publication of printed images of a topless Kate Middleton which ridiculed her tits stormed the French embassy  in London last night, killing nine French officials, witnesses  said. British protesters scaled the walls of the French embassy in the Knightsbridge area of the capital and attacked the occupants as they slept. Sources claim… Read more »

Death Of Young Woman Even More Tragic Now That She Was ‘A Fine Thing’

THE untimely death of 21-year-old Jessica Harris last Tuesday evening was said to be even ‘more tragic now’ after images released by her family reveal what an absolute ‘fine thing’ she really was. Thousands of people across the country have swamped national newspapers and internet forums with condolence letters and comments voicing their absolute disgust at the… Read more »