Category: POLITICS

Independent Alliance Calls For More Mayonnaise Sachets In Restaurant Condiment Sets

MEMBERS of the Independent Alliance are calling on restaurants and cafes up and down the country to maintain an equal and balanced level of mayonnaise sachets in their condiment sets to match mustard, brown sauce and ketchup, the group insisted. Speaking with their mouths earlier today, Shane Ross, John Halligan, Seán Canney, Michael Fitzmaurice and some other male TDs this… Read more »

Government Tick ‘Completely Fuck Over CervicalCheck Victims’ Off Their To Do List

THE GOVERNMENT has capped the expenses package promised to victims of the CervicalCheck scandal, with victims only allowed claim on expenses incurred after the 11th May 2018. Ticking off ‘completely fuck over CervicalCheck victims’ their list, the government freed up time to either pretend homeless figures are going down or distract the public by getting… Read more »

Mr Bean Appointed As New UK Brexit Secretary

FOLLOWING the sudden resignation of former UK Brexit secretary David Davis, prime minister Theresa May has announced her new appointment to the role, Mr. Bean. Announcing his resignation just two days after warring factions in May’s cabinet approved a Brexit plan in a bid to unblock negotiations with Brussels, Davis wished Mr. Bean all the best in his new… Read more »

Theresa May’s Meltdown Goes Into Meltdown

BRITISH prime minister Theresa May’s meltdown has spiraled in the wake of the resignation of her incompetent and workshy Brexit minister David Davis, creating a rare ‘meltdown black hole’ according to experts in ‘complete fucking disasters’. “It’s just such a shame, because it had all been going so swimmingly up until now,” one spokesperson for… Read more »