Tag: trump

World Tests Negative For Sympathy

UNABLE to stop itself from laughing, the world is celebrating successfully testing negative for sympathy following Donal Trump’s positive Covid-19 test result. “Hahahahaha,” continued the world, unable to control itself, apart from one goodie-two-shoes who refused to wish the leader a long, drawn out and painful recovery. Trump, the world’s leading source in Coronavirus misinformation… Read more »

Trump Voters Unaffected By Brain Eating Amoeba

HEALTH AUTHORITIES in the US state of Texas have issued a ‘disaster order’ after a brain eating amoeba, Naegleria fowleri, was found in the state’s water supply. Despite several reported deaths, supporters of US president Donald Trump have recorded zero ill effects when coming into contact with the brain eating amoeba and closer examination could… Read more »

Joe Biden Launches ‘I’m Not Trump’ Campaign

THE 2020 presidential hopes of the Democratic party were buoyed today following the announcement of a striking new tagline for Joe Biden, in which the 77-year-old former vice-president firmly states that he’s ‘not the other guy’. Posters bearing Biden’s image and the slogan ‘Not Trump’ began to spring up all over the US, and fans… Read more »

Trump Expected To Endorse Novichok As Covid Cure By End Of Day At The Latest

FOLLOWING condemnation from international leaders over Russia’s apparent poisoning of Putin critic Alexei Navalny with novichok, political experts fully expect US president Donald Trump to endorse the nerve agent as a Covid-19 cure for US citizens by the end of the day. “Chancellor Merkel said ‘this is a despicable and cowardly act – once again…. Read more »

“You Say Murderous White Supremacist Like It’s A Bad Thing”

SWIFTLY bringing an end to accusations that he is pursuing a right-wing racist agenda President Donald Trump put on-the-fence voters at ease by rushing to defend a 17-year-old accused of gunning down two protesters in Kenosha, Wisconsin. “You say ‘murderous white supremacist’ like it’s a bad thing” bristled a downright confused Trump, the lawlessness and… Read more »

Trump Praises COBRA, Rita Repulsa, Dick Dastardly, Blofeld, Shredder & Emperor Palpatine In Speech

PRESIDENT Donald Trump has received criticism for seemingly endorsing the conspiracy theory movement known as Qanon, describing them as ‘people who love our country very much’. This is not the first time Trump has courted controversy for praising a movement which operates outside societal norms. Taking a look at similar incidents in the recent past,… Read more »