Trump Can’t Believe 210,000 Losers Lost Their Lives To This Thing


“WHERE AM I? Why brain no sense?” president Donald Trump confirmed in his first address from the Oval Office since his stunning symbiosis with Covid-19, clearly showing no adverse affects from his brave battle with the ‘it’s basically the flu’ pandemic.

Before the exceptional specimen of a man returned to his day job of ranting like a lunatic on Twitter, Trump queried how 210,000 ordinary Americans, who unlike the president have not been placed in a protective bubble with the best medical assistance in the world, could be such losers as to die from this stupid thing.

“I don’t get it, why didn’t they just get a helicopter to Walter Reed like me, and have round the clock care from arguably the best medical professionals in the world? Am I supposed to feel sorry for these 210,000 idiots?” remarked Trump, who is now classed as having a ‘pre-existing condition’ and would technically be denied health insurance coverage under his own proposals.

Eager to further downplay a disease he is still in throes of actively spreading, Trump took to Twitter to declare ‘don’t let Covid dominate your life’ which has been seen as a slight at the 210,000 dead Americans who meekly let the president’s lack of a cohesive strategy against Covid-19 kill them.

White House officials, all now successfully infected, confirmed the president would remain self-isolating at the DC residence, now dubbed the Infest Wing, 1600 Coronavirus Avenue. However, their claims were undercut by scenes of Trump hosting a door knob licking competition with 300 of his closest friends in the background.