Tag: coronavirus

“This Lab Had Nothing To Do With The Virus” Confirms Wuhan Mutant Bat Doctor

CATEGORICALLY denying all responsibility for the design and subsequent spread of the Covid-19 virus, a Wuhan based mutant bat doctor reassured awaiting press that his laboratory was in no way connected to the pandemic. “Wizzzzuuuuuuwissssssss,” Dr. Chang Wu began, apologising for the loud screeching noise which left reporters reeling, “apologies, I’ve literally come out of… Read more »

Walking Etiquette During Covid-19

SINCE the covid-19 lockdown over five weeks ago, many people have discovered a whole new world of exercise with a large majority of people opting to simply put one leg in front of another, a routine commonly known as walking. Technically a simple routine for most, walking during social distancing has thrown a spanner in… Read more »

Banks Being Suspiciously Nice All Of A Sudden

AN independent think-tank has declared that the banking sector has been ‘a little too smiley’ during the Coronavirus crisis for anyone’s liking, prompting fears that they’re on the brink of profiting from human misery for the first time ever. Most banks and mortgage lenders were quick to offer 3-month ‘mortgage holidays’ to struggling families after… Read more »

Debunked: No, Tom Hardy’s Penis Is Not A Covid-19 Vaccine

WWN FACTCHECK is committed to debunking Coronavirus misinformation. In our previous edition we confirmed Donald Trump’s advice to consume or inject bleach would result in injury or death. Today we address a widely circulated WhatsApp rumour that Tom Hardy’s penis is the game-changing Covid-19 vaccine solution we’ve all been searching for. The claim initially appeared… Read more »

Dealers Now Offering ‘Dial-A-Line’ Service

COKE-strapped punters in the south east are today hailing a local dealer’s new dial-a-line delivery as ‘a groundbreaking service to the community’ and ‘a welcome addition to the house party scene’. “I’ve been having the lads around to the house for a few cans every weekend since lockdown started, and we’ve noticed that the one… Read more »