AMENDMENTS to emergency Covid-19 payments aimed at solving inefficiencies such as a one-shift-a-week part time worker receiving €350 a week payments have been welcomed by many but some are criticising ancillary measures put in place by the Fine Gael government.
Hinges flew off the door on the rented home of one young man, Robert Dolgan (23), who had the misfortune of being the first Covid-19 emergency payment recipient to be clamped down on by a new garda unit rubber stamped by Taoiseach Leo Varadkar.
Despite never asking for additional funding for such things the gardaí’s new Welfare Asshole Scum Terrorism Emergency Response Squad hauled Dolgan out of the house in cuffs and it is believed he will now go on display in the Fine Gael Museum of Welfare Scumbags as part of a new ‘crimes worse than multi-billion euro tax avoidance by large businesses’ exhibition.
“It was only €15” a sobbing Dolgan said, a stone cold serial killer who’d shit in your cornflakes, according to all inaccurate accounts.
“Jesus, it’s only €15,” concluded the reluctant new chief of the garda W.A.S.T.E.R.S unit as he stood before a large table displaying the cash sum seizure forced to pretend to be immensely proud.
“We’re glad the Irish taxpayer has been reunited with this €15 euro, which as we know, has a street value of €400 million in the minds of ardent Fine Gael voters,” confirmed the Taoiseach addressing the Dáil.
If an effort to continue to foster unity among the Irish people, the Taoiseach encouraged everyone to rat on their mates.
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