SOFTWARE ENGINEERS have apologised for a glitch in the Taoiseach’s operating system which had seen him mistakenly parrot ‘we’re all in this together’ in the face of the ongoing hardship caused by the Covid-19 payment. “That explains all the violent twitching and spasming he was doing any time he first announced the increased payments, it… Read more »
WITH a programme for government set to be discussed by Fianna Fáil, Fine Gael and the Green Party on Thursday, WWN has gained unprecedented access to potential future policies, ‘red lines’ and inter-party disagreements. Just what will eco-friendly austerity and brown hemp envelopes involve? Ryan, trying to avoid a repeat of 2008 when The Green… Read more »
AS THE leaders of Fine Gael, Fianna Fáil and the Green Party meet today to discuss potentially forming a three-party government, the smallest of the three parties, the Green Party, have named their price. “It’s the obvious solution,” confirmed friend of wolves and Green Party leader, Eamon Ryan, as he discussed his party’s ‘red lines’… Read more »
FRESH from becoming to the Meme King of Ireland after dropping iconic Terminator dialogue into his last address to the nation, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar is bathing in the warm glow of affection he is completely unaccustomed to as a much maligned leader of the country. In a bid to secure himself further respite from being… Read more »
WHERE IT’S coming from remains unclear. Is it thundering from the clouds above? Being piped through the sewers via a speaker system directly from Hell? Or is it just your mind playing tricks on you? The Irish public has many questions regarding where exactly the satanic flourishes of the iconic ‘Ave Santini’ song from The… Read more »
AS SENIOR Fine Gael figures and those on the ground involved in the party’s grass roots begin to hint that party leader and Taoiseach Leo Varadkar should resign after a disappointing election performance, sources close to the Taoiseach suggest he was utterly devastated for close to 30 seconds. “Bless him, he was inconsolable at the… Read more »
TAOISEACH LEO Varadkar is now turning to the weather as a deterrent to keep people the hell away from the polls tomorrow, and has researched a dozen mythical rainmaking rituals to ensure it lashes all day tomorrow, helping him stay in power. Varadkar, who had been working under the belief that his party were bulletproof… Read more »
AHEAD of Ireland’s crucial general election on Saturday the 8th of February, get to know the Taoiseach and leader of the Fine Gael party: Name: Leonidas Varadkar Age: 41 (although his operating system was updated recently) Party: Never. Superpower: Not letting his unrelenting and violent night terrors affect his ability to straight up ignore the… Read more »
LAST NIGHT’S leaders tonight proved the most illuminating of all the televised debates as the leaders of Sinn Féin, Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael went head to head. Relive the tense exchanges as they happened below: In tonight’s debate the leaders will be tasked with insulting the public’s intelligence on matters of housing, health and… Read more »
WWN’s expert analysis of every party manifesto as part of our 2020 general election continues with Fine Gael’s slickly designed love letter to high earners and multinationals which came with free novelty socks, selfie stick and poorly researched stereotypes about autism. Dive in for the highlights: Min. for Finance Paschal Donohoe lambasted the reckless ‘con… Read more »