THE Daily Mail has hired 10 extra freelance journalists to help them tie the ever-escalating Brexit fiasco to the Duchess Of Sussex Meghan Markle, in a bid to create a headline that will please all of their readers at once. The news outlet has waged war against the actress-turned-Royal since she first met her now-husband… Read more »
BRITISH prime minister Theresa May is set to arrive in Dublin today, endorsed wholeheartedly by her parliament to go and continue to make yet another holy show of herself, WWN can reveal. May is expected to discuss her alternative derangements for the Irish border with her Irish counterpart Leo Varadkar, who, like all other 27… Read more »
THE instigators of Brexit are not welcome in hell due to moral standards laid out by its ruler in a rare but concise statement from the Dark Lord of the underworld. Satan, also known as the Devil, confirmed that there was “absolutely no chance” politicians like Jacob Rees-Mogg, Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson, David Davis, Theresa May or any of those responsible for Brexit… Read more »
IN A last ditch effort to avert one of Britain’s biggest financial catastrophes, University of Oxford scientists have published a one page report claiming that psilocybin mushrooms could help heal damaged brain cells in the brains of Brexiteers. The report, which just simply stated ‘magic mushrooms could solve Brexit’, was published at 10am this morning by a team… Read more »
BRITAIN has officially entered the part in the Brexit process which can be illustrated by the scene in animated classic Toy Story 3, in which everybody’s favourite toys realise they are headed to certain death in an incinerator, and knowing their fate is sealed simply hold hands in a solemn act of fearful acceptance. While… Read more »
IN recent days an online petition on the UK parliament’s website has urged people to agree to letting Ireland rejoin the UK in a bid to put an end to all this silly nonsense about the border and the troublesome backstop. Claiming that ‘Britain and Ireland are stronger together’ the petition’s creator asked people to… Read more »
THERESA May will use today’s visit to Northern Ireland as an opportunity to propose a number of as-yet-untested solutions to the thorny border situation, including the construction of some death-defying ramps that would allow cars to cross back and forth between the Republic and the North in the style of 80s good ol’ boys the Dukes of… Read more »
WITH PROGNOSES about the Irish economy post-Brexit being made by over 12,000 economists, some positive, some negative, the Irish government has confirmed it will be blaming all future policy decisions and shortcomings on Brexit regardless. Brexit will officially take over from the 2008 Banking Crisis as the go-to excuse for absolutely everything sometime after March… Read more »
APPROXIMATELY 51.9% of the British population are to be booked in for hearing tests over the next 57 days or so, in a bid to see if they’re wilfully ignoring the facts about Brexit or if they’re actually just legally deaf. The tests come following significant evidence that suggests that people who are still advocates… Read more »
UNLOADING 650 straitjackets out of the back of vans which had the name of a nearby mental institution written on them, medical professionals began the sad but necessary task of sectioning all serving MPs in the British parliament. Acting in the best interest of a large group of people who have reportedly become completely untethered… Read more »