Tag: brexit

“We Have Standards Here” Satan Distances Himself From Brexiteers

THE instigators of Brexit are not welcome in hell due to moral standards laid out by its ruler in a rare but concise statement from the Dark Lord of the underworld. Satan, also known as the Devil, confirmed that there was “absolutely no chance” politicians like Jacob Rees-Mogg, Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson, David Davis, Theresa May or any of those responsible for Brexit… Read more »

Magic Mushrooms Could Solve Brexit, Claim Desperate UK Scientists

IN A last ditch effort to avert one of Britain’s biggest financial catastrophes, University of Oxford scientists have published a one page report claiming that psilocybin mushrooms could help heal damaged brain cells in the brains of Brexiteers. The report, which just simply stated ‘magic mushrooms could solve Brexit’, was published at 10am this morning by a team… Read more »

May Proposes ‘Dukes Of Hazzard’ Approach To Irish Border

THERESA May will use today’s visit to Northern Ireland as an opportunity to propose a number of as-yet-untested solutions to the thorny border situation, including the construction of some death-defying ramps that would allow cars to cross back and forth between the Republic and the North in the style of 80s good ol’ boys the Dukes of… Read more »

Government Confirm Intention To Use Brexit As Excuse For Everything

WITH PROGNOSES about the Irish economy post-Brexit being made by over 12,000 economists, some positive, some negative, the Irish government has confirmed it will be blaming all future policy decisions and shortcomings on Brexit regardless. Brexit will officially take over from the 2008 Banking Crisis as the go-to excuse for absolutely everything sometime after March… Read more »

Brits Fucking Deaf Or Something

APPROXIMATELY 51.9% of the British population are to be booked in for hearing tests over the next 57 days or so, in a bid to see if they’re wilfully ignoring the facts about Brexit or if they’re actually just legally deaf. The tests come following significant evidence that suggests that people who are still advocates… Read more »