Government Confirm Intention To Use Brexit As Excuse For Everything
WITH PROGNOSES about the Irish economy post-Brexit being made by over 12,000 economists, some positive, some negative, the Irish government has confirmed it will be blaming all future policy decisions and shortcomings on Brexit regardless.
Brexit will officially take over from the 2008 Banking Crisis as the go-to excuse for absolutely everything sometime after March 2019 has come to a close.
“Whether it’s not giving the nurses a pay increase, a future bridge collapse, the cost of buying a new stapler inexplicably spiraling to €1 billion or even cancelling all of our Ireland 2040 plan once we’re reelected, Brexit is going to be our sweet, sweet little excuse,” one government spokesperson shared at a ‘Ireland Is Brexit Ready’ meeting with local, tax agnostic multinational businesses.
While the Government couldn’t rule out randomly upping free third level education fees to €20,000 a term at a drop of hat or just punching a homeless lad in the face, they have reiterated that whatever the left of field austerity measure or revenue generating scheme, it will all be Big Bad Brexit’s fault.
“Like we’ve been saying for the last two years, we are 100% Brexit ready. Honest to God, you wouldn’t believe how organised and well planned we have it all…but yeah, whenever we throw the working class, under 25s or frontline workers under the bus, it won’t be our fault, it’ll be all on Brexit, or fuck it, Sinn Féin’s fault as well,” concluded the spokesman.
Business leaders attending the Ireland Is Brexit Ready meeting were also encouraged to blame all pay freezes, broken promises, hostile working environments, extra long working weeks and job losses on all Brexit, free of charge.