PM BORIS JOHNSON has sought to reassure the British public amid food shortages and warnings of further shortages during the Christmas period, stating that this is all part of the plan. “That feeling in your stomach you think is a pang of hunger is actually just Great British Pride,” confirmed Johnson, “not stomach distress but… Read more »
LABELING the EU’s decision to take legal action over the UK government’s continued flagrant disregard for the Northern Ireland Protocol as ‘silly business’, PM Boris Johnson insisted he honestly wouldn’t have signed up to the ‘blasted thing’ if he was actually expected to honour it. “Mea culpa, I feel ruddy well stupid, I had no… Read more »
A NUMBER of Loyalist paramilitary groups have written a really rather crossly-worded letter to the prime minister of Britain expressing their dismay at the ongoing Northern Ireland Protocol issues, while also withdrawing their support for the Good Friday Agreement, more or less, there’s a few bits in there they ‘want to hang on to’. “Mr…. Read more »
TAKING the mere rumour of the ludicrous proposal for an underground tunnel linking Northern Ireland to Scotland as the official ‘green light’, the DUP has spent the night hacking away at the earth in a bid to progress a subterranean tunnel. “No this is a great idea, what better way to keep a Union together… Read more »
THE Irish Road Haulage Association has detected a slight hint of sarcasm from the government, who responded to the trucking representative’s pleas for post-Brexit help with a message saying ‘yeah we’ll get right on that’. As members of the IRHA staged a protest at Dublin port today to raise awareness of the significant trouble heading… Read more »
SEEMINGLY in Brussels under the pretense of facilitating Brexit negotiations over dinner with European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen, British PM Boris Johnson has been apprehended by shopping centre security after trying to shoplift all EU membership benefits from the EU gift shop. “Oh cripes, ruddy well rumbled. My goose is cooked,” remarked Johnson… Read more »
SNATCHING monumental disaster from the jaws of catastrophic failure, British PM Boris Johnson is hailing the remarkable progress in Brexit trade negotiations which has seen his team’s triumphs extend to ‘a few fish’ in the column marked ‘Massive Benefits of Amazing Brexit’. “We did it” a beaming Johnson said, as a solitary fish flapped in… Read more »
AS PART of an extensive programme of supports and raising awareness the Irish government has developed a system whereby the imposing, tension raising iconic music from Jaws will spontaneously begin playing whenever the word ‘Brexit’ is mentioned as we edge closer to the end of the transition period on the 31st of December 2020. “I’ve… Read more »
LAST DITCH negotiations over attempts to prevent a two-way UK-Ireland meat product ban and warnings to Irish SMEs to prepare for impact have all the hallmarks of that moment in a thriller when a bomb disposal expert is tasked with diffusing a bomb as the seconds tick down toward zero. Leaving the ‘hands in pockets,… Read more »
GENEROUS British PM Boris Johnson will stop at nothing in his attempt to deflect attention away from an inquiry which concluded his Home Secretary, Priti Patel, bullied civil servants, subjecting them to volleys of abuse and is basically Nelson Muntz on steroids. “We can all have Christmas together in Wembley stadium, Ed Sheeran will play,… Read more »