SEEMINGLY in Brussels under the pretense of facilitating Brexit negotiations over dinner with European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen, British PM Boris Johnson has been apprehended by shopping centre security after trying to shoplift all EU membership benefits from the EU gift shop. “Oh cripes, ruddy well rumbled. My goose is cooked,” remarked Johnson… Read more »
SNATCHING monumental disaster from the jaws of catastrophic failure, British PM Boris Johnson is hailing the remarkable progress in Brexit trade negotiations which has seen his team’s triumphs extend to ‘a few fish’ in the column marked ‘Massive Benefits of Amazing Brexit’. “We did it” a beaming Johnson said, as a solitary fish flapped in… Read more »
AS PART of an extensive programme of supports and raising awareness the Irish government has developed a system whereby the imposing, tension raising iconic music from Jaws will spontaneously begin playing whenever the word ‘Brexit’ is mentioned as we edge closer to the end of the transition period on the 31st of December 2020. “I’ve… Read more »
LAST DITCH negotiations over attempts to prevent a two-way UK-Ireland meat product ban and warnings to Irish SMEs to prepare for impact have all the hallmarks of that moment in a thriller when a bomb disposal expert is tasked with diffusing a bomb as the seconds tick down toward zero. Leaving the ‘hands in pockets,… Read more »
GENEROUS British PM Boris Johnson will stop at nothing in his attempt to deflect attention away from an inquiry which concluded his Home Secretary, Priti Patel, bullied civil servants, subjecting them to volleys of abuse and is basically Nelson Muntz on steroids. “We can all have Christmas together in Wembley stadium, Ed Sheeran will play,… Read more »
UNABLE to celebrate the milestone of hitting 50,000 Coronavirus deaths nor the latest batch of warnings about how catastrophic Brexit will be, British PM for England only Boris Johnson has had to attend to a fresh crisis following the resignation of his Communications Chief. Lee Cain has resigned from his position amid accusations that in… Read more »
CELEBRATING a rare win by only losing a House of Lords vote on key parts of his Brexit bill legislation by 268 votes, Boris Johnson is keen to distract by people by drawing attention to someone, anyone not wearing a remembrance poppy. “Look, over there,” said a panicked Johnson pointing in several directions trying to… Read more »
THE CONSERVATIVE government is today hailing yet another Brexit breakthrough with the announcement that they have signed a ‘win-win’ trade deal with newly discovered possible signs of life on the economic powerhouse of planet Venus. “This is a triumph for Brexit Britain, today we have signed a trade deal which will see Britain import, tariff… Read more »
PULLING apart the sticky pages of his treasured copy of ‘The Art Of The No Deal’ book, British PM Boris Johnson has impressed everyone with his strategy of reneging on a deal he renegotiated and claimed was the pinnacle of political achievement. Looking to gain some insight into how you too can be a flawless… Read more »
THE image of David Cameron inserting his penis into the head of a dead pig now seems like a cherished childhood memory according to a new poll, following yet another round of Brexit turmoil and strife, with all the major UK players now seemingly ‘even worse bastards’ than ever. As Prime Minister Boris Johnson prepares… Read more »