Tag: brexit

House Private, Family Flowers Only

THE death has occurred of the United Kingdom, peacefully at its residence after a long battle with a deep, deep sickness. The UK had been on life-support since 2016, when deep divides between England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland began to grow, forcing the British government into a coma-like state, where it remained until yesterday’s… Read more »

Britain Granted Extension To Neverending Nightmare That Sucks The Marrow From The Bone, Blocks Out The Sun, Steals Joy From Everything

NEWS that Britain has made a promise to finally have ‘its shit together’ by the later date of January 31st 2020 has been greeted with defeated looks by everyone affected by Brexit as they weep at the mere thought of having to contemplate this interminable torture for even one more life-sapping second. “The extension is… Read more »

Will, Of The People, Speak Outs

THREE years after he made the decision on behalf of the British public to leave the EU, the so-called ‘Will, of the people’ speaks out for the first time exclusively to WWN and makes his true feelings known. “The Will, of the people, must be respected,” Tory leader and British PM Boris Johnson incessantly hectors… Read more »

Bercow Signs Lucrative Sponsorship Deal With Lockets

EVERYONE’S favourite speaker of the House Of Commons John Bercow needn’t worry about being stuck for a few quid after stepping down from his position after the canny orator has lined up a plum role as the spokesperson for Lockets, the popular throat lozenges. Bercow was seen as a ‘perfect fit’ for the brand, with… Read more »

Shitshow Upgraded To Festival Of Faeces

THE NEWS is ever changing. Conflicting reports everywhere. Boris Johnson has agreed a deal with the EU and has become Britain’s hero in their darkest hour, securing a deal that finally ensures economic self-harm and poorer living standards for the already poor in Britain. The DUP, however, has in a surprising turn said ‘No’ to something… Read more »

Cat Drags In Arlene Foster

LICKING its filthy paws to rid itself of that God awful mothball smell from its latest catch, the metaphorical cat looked up apologetically after dragging in what appeared to be DUP leader Arlene Foster, before leaving the unwanted catch on the nation’s doorstep. “Gays, women’s choice over their own bodies; what do you think you’re playing at?” the squirming mass slithered… Read more »

Lady Of The Black Rod Resumes Day Job With Dyno-Rod

SARAH Clarke, also known as Lady Usher Of The Black Rod, the ceremonial face of British parliament and a key player in yesterday’s re-opening of the House Of Lords, is back to her day job rodding drains with the ever-busy drain-rodding company Dyno-Rod. Trading her black-and-white ceremonial garb for an orange high-vis jumpsuit, Lady Clarke opened up… Read more »