BRITISH foreign secretary Liz Truss has assured Northern Ireland that her statement, about triggering Article 16 if the EU don’t capitulate to the UK’s wishes is totally going to work, it just ‘might not seem that way straight away’.
Truss’ plan, reminiscent of the finale of the 1996 horror classic Scream where the two protagonists stab each other in an attempt to place the blame for a massacre on someone else, was welcomed by the DUP, which was enough to cause alarm everywhere.
“No really, this is exactly like Billy and Stu’s plan in Scream except for one key difference – this time, it’s going to work,” explained Truss, as a trepidatious Northern Ireland asked one more time how triggering Article 16, melting down the Good Friday Agreement and guaranteeing a hard border was ‘a good thing’.
“We stab you with Article 16, so to speak, and then everything works out for us. And you, of course. We won’t stab you that deeply. Promise. You’ll barely feel it and if you do, well, we’ll make sure that the correct measures are taken to stop you from bleeding on the floor. Look, the important thing is we’ll make it look like the EU did it so even if you die, it’s on them. No, you cannot stab us first. That’s not how this works”.
WWN would like to take a moment to apologise to any readers who had the ending of Scream spoiled by this article, but in fairness that movie is 26 years old, come on now.
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