Topping Polls Not Giving Sinn Féin The Same Buzz It Used To

SINN Féin has left the majority of a celebratory ‘poll topping’ cake in the Dáil canteen for anyone who wants a slice, as most members of the party are sick of celebratory ‘poll topping’ cakes after the last 18 months.

The cake had been bought to mark the party’s 10-point lead in a recent poll, which saw them gain 2 points to 33% while their nearest rivals Fine Gael fell 2 points to 23%, something that would have caused days of celebration last year, but just seems like another day at the office these days.

“Same shit, different day” mused one source close to the party, who claims that not even leader Mary Lou McDonald can get excited about being named ‘most probable next Taoiseach’ for the tenth time in a row.

“There’s one poll that interests us now, and that’s the next general election. Which isn’t going to come around any time soon, the shower that’s in there now are going to drag the balls out of their current term because they know come the next election, they’ll be knocking on our door.

“Fianna Fáil in particular. I saw the Taoiseach down in the canteen there today helping himself to a slice of our cake. We can’t begrudge him, sure it’s been a while since he had cake of his own and the last time he had to share it”.

Meanwhile, the Green Party are celebrating a ‘mere’ drop of 1pc to a total of 3pc like they’ve just won the World Cup, with leader Eamon Ryan spotted running through the halls with his shirt over his head.