Tag: brexit

Johnson To Allow Extra People In House For Xmas, Free Cars, Miniature Union Jacks, Anything To Distract From Shit Job He’s Doing

GENEROUS British PM Boris Johnson will stop at nothing in his attempt to deflect attention away from an inquiry which concluded his Home Secretary, Priti Patel, bullied civil servants, subjecting them to volleys of abuse and is basically Nelson Muntz on steroids. “We can all have Christmas together in Wembley stadium, Ed Sheeran will play,… Read more »

Brexit Success As Britain Sign Trade Deal With Venus

THE CONSERVATIVE government is today hailing yet another Brexit breakthrough with the announcement that they have signed a ‘win-win’ trade deal with newly discovered possible signs of life on the economic powerhouse of planet Venus. “This is a triumph for Brexit Britain, today we have signed a trade deal which will see Britain import, tariff… Read more »

Brexit Chaos A Welcome Relief

FOLLOWING months of Coronavirus saturated news seeping into every single pore of media news bodies, Britain, Ireland and the remaining handful of Europeans who care exhaled in unison at a familiar pre-Covid era news story: the UK once again making the centrefold of the world’s latest issue of Fuck Up magazine. In a suspected attempt… Read more »

Heartbreak As Brits Laughing At Us Now

IRELAND’S coveted spot on the list of countries able to point at Britain and laugh may be in jeopardy today following a number of embarrassing gaffes and blunders by the Irish political establishment which have eroded our moral superiority figures for 2020. Although public smugness rode high on a wave of Britain-based mockery following the… Read more »

Johnson Announces Fiancé Pregnant With First Child He Cares About

SEVERAL battle-hardened former war journalists were forced to leave a press conference earlier this morning after falling ill, as Prime Minister Boris Johnson went into excruciating, intimate detail about how he gave his girlfriend Carrie Symonds ‘a gosh darn good knocking up’. Johnson, 55, and Symonds, 24 years younger than that, had announced their pregnancy… Read more »

UK’s New Immigration Points System Revealed

AN AUSTRALIAN style ‘points based system’ for immigration is set to be implemented in a post-Brexit Britain, Boris Johnson’s government has revealed. Far from being a worryingly predictable development that could see a dramatic shortage in so-called low-skilled workers, such as nurses and carers, that could serve as a sucker punch to a beleaguered economy,… Read more »