Tag: brexit

At Least Johnson Still Has Piss-Up In Brewery To Look Forward To [Updated]

THE Supreme Court ruling surrounding the illegality of the Tory government’s suspension of parliament has hit Boris Johnson hard today, but sources close to Downing Street have said that the PM is taking solace in the fact that Friday night’s carefully-planned drinking session in a brewery will surely lift his spirits. “We’ve been ordered back… Read more »

Theresa May Opens Zumba Class

FAR from the frail-looking woman who resigned as prime minister in July, the Theresa May who met WWN outside her newly-opened Zumba dance studio in London today is a fresh-faced, agile lady, with a body covered in sheets of glistening muscle. “I’ve never felt better,” beamed May, drinking from one of those fancy sports water bottles in… Read more »

5 Jobs Bercow Can Try Now

ORDER! Order! It’s time for John Bercow to call last orders on his time as speaker of the House Of Commons, following a stewardship that saw him presided over some of the most heated, contentious debates in the history of the crumbled Empire. So what next for Bercow? Here’s five roles we think he’d fit… Read more »

Johnson Presented With ‘Irish History For Complete Fucking Morons’ During Dublin Visit

BORIS JOHNSON’S brief visit to Dublin was dominated by his inability to form coherent sentences regarding the border and no deal Brexit, but after Taoiseach Leo Varadkar thoughtfully presented him with a copy of Irish History For Complete Fucking Morons, it is hoped he may reconsider his current lack of any plan. The introductory book,… Read more »

Johnson Stands On Fifth Rake Of Day

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson is on high alert for a sixth smack in the face from a rake that he has trodden on, having already received five heavy blows to the mush already today. Johnson received his first garden implement to the face earlier this morning, as he stepped out of bed freshly rested… Read more »